I have very mixed feelings on this book. The things that I enjoyed – the majority of the book – I absolutely loved. The things that I didn’t enjoy… I really, really didn’t.

The story follows Ansel, a young man who returns to his home town for his grandfather’s funeral. Returning home, however, means confronting old demons, reigniting old family feuds, and getting caught up in complicated romantic entanglements.

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This book was much darker than I expected it to be, but once I readjusted my expectations I really enjoyed the bulk of the story. It’s a very introspective examination of grief and loss, not just for someone who has passed away but for the people and opportunities in life that pass you by. It felt like a very honest and refreshing view into the lives of people in their early twenties, feeling confident and self-assured one moment and then at a complete loss the next. I was completely transfixed as the relationships and history between the different characters was revealed. Even when I didn’t think Ansel was making the right decisions, I could see why he’s doing what he’s doing, and my frustrations felt less like a reader getting annoyed at a character, and more like when you just want your friend to make better choices!

If you ever needed to fight for the cause of Own Voices fiction, this book would be a perfect candidate. As a Black bisexual man of West Indian heritage, just like the author, Ansel leaps off the page as an incredibly authentic character. Hayden Winston’s depiction of Ansel’s mental health also felt very true to life, as something that he lives with on a day-to-day basis that sometimes consumes him, and sometimes is there in the background.

All that being said, both the first and last chapters let the book down for me. The first chapter was incredibly long and filled with exposition. Especially when the first scene is a funeral, it would have been great to see the family dynamics and history play out in real time rather than quite a long, drawn-out narrative of everything we needed to know. Once the story got going, though, it was like reading a different book and I enjoyed it much more from the second chapter onwards. As the story builds and builds I was holding my breath for the ending, and I had no idea what to expect. Had you asked me to guess, though, there was no way I would have got it right. I won’t spoil the ending, but it took a complete left-turn on not just the tone and direction of the story but also the genre. It felt a little like the rug had been pulled out from under me, and not in a good way.

From Chapter 2 to Chapter 22, this was an extremely strong book, exploring lots of interesting and meaningful themes. I think that will be the part of this book that stays with me, and it was incredibly well done.

Thank you to the author for providing me with a free copy for review.