In At the Deep End is a comedy(ish) novel about Julia, who's 26 and has only just realised that she's gay. As she explores what her sexuality means to her, she begins a relationship with Sam, who seems like the perfect woman. Until she doesn't.

This book has been billed as the gay Bridget Jones. It's not. Although it is absolutely hilarious in parts ('she looked just like I do in the daydreams where I'm a bohemian novelist and part-time detective living in Berlin') it's much darker. The primary plotline alongside Julia's sexuality is her abusive relationship with Sam, which is incredibly sinister and frightening at times. The humour here is great, but it's not solely a comedy, and it's definitely not a romantic one. There's a lot of graphic sex here, but again, it's not erotica; often the sex is a metonym for the power balance in their relationship rather than something supposed to be arousing.

This book shows how queer relationships are not immune to abusive dynamics, and how gender is not the sole power imbalance that can result in such relationships. It also explores polyamory, both its benefits and the dangers of not doing it respectfully, and I found that interesting. It showed that there's nuance to the subject.

Julia is an excellent protagonist and narrator and being in her head was a wild ride. I enjoyed this book immensely, but I'm glad I didn't go into it expecting a lighthearted read. This isn't that. What it is is a coming of age novel about someone realising they're queer slightly later than the default narrative, and their attempts to catch up with the community and forge a coherent identity, and their pitfalls along the way. I absolutely recommend this, but not without a bit of awareness for those who are sensitive to the issues portrayed.

Tw: rape, racism, self harm, emotional abuse, threats of suicide, adultery, death, unsafe sex, bdsm