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capssuds 's review for:
Handbook for Mortals
by Lani Sarem
A SCAMBOOK FOR MORTALS
I read this from a library, and it wasn't even worth my FREE library card. The writing is awful, the characters are also awful- mind you, I read this before I knew about the whole NYT Scam, so I went in excited for a book and came out with depression, a need to rinse my eyes with Clorox, and watching Pride and Prejudice with my boyfriend as a cure. (which I recommend to anyone who has suffered through even one page of this.. this... Book. If I dare call it even that.)
Zade is special. She's white. But her name is not (Scheherazade, how dare, first of all). She is magic. Time jumps. Girls either love her and know how awesome she is or they're wrong. Guys love her, period. She's dyslexic, but that's mentioned, like... once? This should be a flaw??? But it osn't??? It's mentioned ONCE. She wants a normal life/week/day? But she goes to Vegas for a show.
Vegas.
To be normal.
She is Lani's self-insert (look at a picture of Lani, and then Zade on the front, and how the author describes herself- I mean Zade.
"I rarely think this, but I wish a photographer had taken my picture at that moment, as the outfit and the background and my hair may have produced a cool photo." As she's staring into a mirror of herself. But she's ugly and only cute in an average way.
UUUUGH.
The love story sucks. I mean, who ISN'T in love with Zade? I thought the guy who is actually her dad was also in love with her. And then it was revealed that he was her dad. Omph.
There is the whole New York Times Scam, and all that, but the book itself is just gosh darned awful. The only movie this thing deserves is one shot on iMovie, edited in MS Paint, and the author is playing everyone because no one else on earth would want to participate.
Yes, it did take me forever to read, because I could only take so much at a time.
I'm gonna go gouge my eyes out with a melon baller now. The trees didn't deserve this.
Some good youtube vids about this book in case you would like to roll in the cringe:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmWSqd12O9c&t=492s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JS5K9vAk3r8&t=485s
I read this from a library, and it wasn't even worth my FREE library card. The writing is awful, the characters are also awful- mind you, I read this before I knew about the whole NYT Scam, so I went in excited for a book and came out with depression, a need to rinse my eyes with Clorox, and watching Pride and Prejudice with my boyfriend as a cure. (which I recommend to anyone who has suffered through even one page of this.. this... Book. If I dare call it even that.)
Zade is special. She's white. But her name is not (Scheherazade, how dare, first of all). She is magic. Time jumps. Girls either love her and know how awesome she is or they're wrong. Guys love her, period. She's dyslexic, but that's mentioned, like... once? This should be a flaw??? But it osn't??? It's mentioned ONCE. She wants a normal life/week/day? But she goes to Vegas for a show.
Vegas.
To be normal.
She is Lani's self-insert (look at a picture of Lani, and then Zade on the front, and how the author describes herself- I mean Zade.
"I rarely think this, but I wish a photographer had taken my picture at that moment, as the outfit and the background and my hair may have produced a cool photo." As she's staring into a mirror of herself. But she's ugly and only cute in an average way.
UUUUGH.
The love story sucks. I mean, who ISN'T in love with Zade? I thought the guy who is actually her dad was also in love with her. And then it was revealed that he was her dad. Omph.
There is the whole New York Times Scam, and all that, but the book itself is just gosh darned awful. The only movie this thing deserves is one shot on iMovie, edited in MS Paint, and the author is playing everyone because no one else on earth would want to participate.
Yes, it did take me forever to read, because I could only take so much at a time.
I'm gonna go gouge my eyes out with a melon baller now. The trees didn't deserve this.
Some good youtube vids about this book in case you would like to roll in the cringe:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmWSqd12O9c&t=492s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JS5K9vAk3r8&t=485s