Trigger Warnings: ableism, abuse - physical and sexual, child neglect, incest, molestation, rape, religious trauma, food deprivation, domestic violence, murder, homophobia, miscarriage, suicidal ideation, suicide attempt, pedophilia, arson, attempted murder, gun violence, mutilation

Not My Ruckus by Chad Musick is set in Texas in the 1980s. It tells the story of 14-year old Clare as she struggles with an undiagnosed disability and abuse, while exploring her sexuality and living in an extremely religious household. A first kiss and a murder. Secrets unravel and the problems in Clare's life grow as her relationship with Esther becomes more complicated. As the story continues, we learn just how connected Clare is to Esther.

Clare is probably one of my favorite protagonists. She's kind, loyal to a fault, protective and hilarious. Her thought process can be chaotic at times, and she doesn't pick up on most social cues. She's often dismissed because no one wants to take the time to explain what they mean. And she doesn't always think things through, but she means well. Her relationship with Esther was interesting to say the least, and at times it felt like Esther was taking advantage of Clare. 

I think if I'd read this book, it would be a lot easier to follow along. Seeing as I was listening to a narrator, it did get confusing at times trying to understand where the story was going. It's fast-paced and filled with action with a continued element of horror.  

It's listed as a coming of age story, but I would not recommend this to any one under 18. It was hard for me to get through it, and I'm well over 18. The story is dark and covers very heavy topics, and a few of the scenes are quite jarring. Even though some of the topics aren't explicitly described, it was still pretty raw and haunting. I can't say that I enjoyed or didn't enjoy the book because it just wasn't at all what I was expecting. It's definitely well-written, so if you enjoy dark stories, I'd recommend this one. It covers the horrors of societies that are often overlooked and shows that even the people we believe we know can have a dark nature.