And people wonder why I find dinner parties a strain. Greedy guests, without the manners to eat what's put in front of them without breaking into your house to swap their own noxious concoctions for yours. Indelicate hosts, who take sadistic pleasure in forcing you to stuff down food you cannot possibly like. Not to mention catering to those who insist on having sugar lumps placed on their nose instead of in their tea, and frantic trips to the corner shop in order to find food to fill up the corners.

This is why meals between friends should be shared in a restaurant.