before i start with the actual review can i just say that i am confused about why this is a „fiction“ book instead of „fantasy“ or at least „magical realism“ and was the winner for fiction for the goodreads award?!
because let’s face it 4/5th of the book is pure fantastical thinking.
i do not understand how genres are decided on goodreads at all!

TRIGGER WARNING:
before i get into the actually review, let me just mention that the start of this book could be very triggering for people that have thoughts about self-harm or struggle with that topic, because its pretty descriptive in that and also shows a lot of negative and what i call ugly thinking of putting yourself down.

And while some of those things - the negative thoughts mostly- are addressed throughout the book, the actual self-harm and trying to take your life is never addressed in a good way, in my option. Its basically just "solved" by the lessons learned in the lifes. But its never discussed that you should seek help, talk to someone and try to find someone to help yourself.


That being said, Haig did write this book in a readable and light tone, so once you get over those first few moments, it gets lighter.

And those moments are pretty fun and interesting and different and had a lovely plot idea and overall some good messages and little quotable sayings in it.

it shares a lot of truth about most of not all peoples life’s.
it mentions a good amount of people can be struggling but in ways nobody else sees.

i also love how there is a lot of empathizes made on how small changes can make a big impact and that dreams or hopes or wishes might not always be what we always dreamed them up to be.

it’s just a good book full of wonderful sentiments that, yes sure, are nothing new at all but are still nice to hear or read and be reminded of every once in a while.

i also absolutely love that the main character is in her thirties and still trying to figure out life - it’s not something that just happens once you reach this magic age number! you can still try to find yourself at any age even if other people don’t understand that or pretend to not understand it or even pretend that they have it together themselves when really they don’t.

if you aim to be something you are not, you will always fail. aim to be you. aim to look and act and think like you. aim to be the truest version of you. embrace that you-ness. endorse it. love it. work hard at it. and don’t give a second thought when people mock it or ridicule it. most gossip is envy in disguise. keep your head down. keep your stamina up. keep swimming.

i also liked how this book discusses dealing with expectations.
how we are constantly bombarded with other peoples hopes and dreams and wishes and being pushed and pulled into those directions.
from childhood on parents maybe even unconsciously push kids into specific directions or out of specific directions.
and that really does impact people. it was nice to see it mentions that sometimes finding what YOU really want is very hard because sometimes that want has never played a role or was always quieted or drowned out by the noice of other people.

prison wasn’t the place, it the perspective.

what i didn’t enjoy so much, was the we spend very little time actually getting to know the main character and get actual life and how she got to the point she ist at that she tries to take her own life and ends up in the Library.
The book starts with her thinking about killing herself and really starts when she does and lands in the midnight library.

i wish we would have gotten a bit more then the negatively shaded few pages of her actual life to really understand the character better.
the book worked without that but i can see people struggling with just being dumped into the hardest part of a characters life and then going straight into the jumping into other life options.


i also had issues with the actual life jumping.

why would you be dumped into a life without also getting the knowledges needed for that life?!
of course you won’t be happy in the life you have no clue how to live!
you can’t possibly be a scientist if you have no clue how to do that!
you need that knowledge!
so why would the library dump someone into the body of that life but not give the memories as well so that the life makes sense?
it would also show that every life has struggles and issues and might seem perfect at the first glance but it was still hard work.

everything in this book would have worked just as well of the character would have to get used to the lives but with background knowledge of each of the lives!

it just bothered me because it was so clearly plotted to make the ending the book so overly clear

because of course you want to go back to what you know and try to change that for the better instead of trying to learn for example years of university knowledge over a few weeks while in the middle of nowhere because you are in the middle of an experiment where you need that learned knowledge but don’t have it! that too hard and not possible!

and i felt like every life she tried she lacked the information that would help her actually make a real decision if that life would suit her better if she had info’s about that life and how she got there.

but without it? nothing makes sense it’s hard and uncomfortable and why would you literally choose the life of a stranger that makes no sense?

so i wish that would been done better and more written in a way that it would have been a real choice between different options and not rigged to make it very hard to basically impossible for most lives seen in this book.

And as i already mentioned in the warning at the beginning of the book, i wish the actual suicide would have been addressed. Nora tried to kill herself and was very close to actually killing herself. But its never mentioned that there are options and help available. That she needs help afterwards too, that she can't just go home and never think about having tried to kill herself, but should seek out help in some way.
Its great that the Library gave her back her will to live, but you need more if you are depressed and suicidal!
And i think that should have been addressed more. Its a book about that topic, that actively shows self harm, so it should also talk about what can help to not go there.


and after all that complaining:

i do really think this book so well done and well written.
i liked the aspects of this place “in between” where one person that had a big impact on your life is once again there to help you when you need it most.

i think that most reads will get some enjoyment out of it and have a good time reading it.
so definitely worth a try if you are not triggered by the topic!