"On the one hand, the joy of children. On the other hand, the misery of them. On the one hand, the freedom of not having them. On the other hand, the loss of never having had them."

A rumination, a wandering journey on a single question that spawns a series of other questions about womanhood, partnership, history, family, her own childhood and her mother's role in it. Heti's (her character's?) inner debate is laid bare for the reader, bouncing between reflections on her past, flipping coins to answer yes or no questions, discussing with friends and family, and at times seeming to decide one way before reversing. As she considers which path to take, her thoughts can veer callous or cruel, but it most likely resembles the reader struggling with life decisions in their head, too.

MOTHERHOOD is likely to fascinate some people and feel like tedium to others. I'm in the former camp, but I love a philosophizing book that takes me through many perspectives of the character's life. I didn't relate to everything (and I never need to or seek that out), but there were pure moments of understanding that seemed to reach from the page to my mind. I underlined a lot, and dog-eared a lot, and even read a few sentences aloud to a room full of moms on a baby shower trip to Asbury Park in July. It resonates as a woman, and though I'm not Sheila Heti, I understand why she decides on her beautifully rendered final answer. She let me into her thought process, and I could clearly see my life as hers.

My first Heti, and certainly not my last.