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chrysfey 's review for:
How to Win Friends and Influence People
by Dale Carnegie
I skimmed Part 2 and only read the one sentence summaries at the end of the chapters for Part 3.
Part 3 starts with a story about Calvin Coolidge saying to one of his secretaries, “That’s a pretty dress you are wearing this morning, and you are a very attractive young woman.” That quote gave me a full-body cringe. Then Dale Carnegie said this was “the most effusive praise” ever “bestowed upon a secretary” in Coolidge’s life. He said the young woman blushed in confusion. Then Coolidge said, “Now, don’t get stuck up. I just said that to make you feel good. From now on, I wish you would be a little bit more careful with your punctuation.”
Me: WTF?!
Carnegie: This is a superb example of how to praise someone’s good points before saying the unpleasant things they won’t want to hear.
Me: No. If I was that young woman, I would’ve wanted to slap Coolidge. I definitely would’ve been deeply uncomfortable, resulting in a blush. This example really shows the time when this book was written and first published. What Coolidge said to his young secretary was inappropriate and should never be used as a positive example.
As soon as I read that, my boredom with the book transformed into me being appalled. And then I finally was able to put my finger on why I didn’t connect with or enjoy this book up to that point; Carnegie’s tone and words were off-putting and egotistical to me. And the advice promotes people pleasing and manipulation.
When you get down to it, most (if not all) of his advice went like this: “do this for everyone else but never yourself,” which could lead to boundary issues, a lack of self-esteem and self-care and pretty much everything that begins with “self,”since his advice was all about other people and ignoring your own wants/needs/interests. If used in real life, in the long run, this could prove harmful to the people who follow the advice.
Not only that, but the advice could lead to fake friendships/relationships and ultimately you being a fake person, which is the opposite of what you should do to build honest, healthy, happy relationships.
I wouldn’t recommend this book to anyone.
Part 3 starts with a story about Calvin Coolidge saying to one of his secretaries, “That’s a pretty dress you are wearing this morning, and you are a very attractive young woman.” That quote gave me a full-body cringe. Then Dale Carnegie said this was “the most effusive praise” ever “bestowed upon a secretary” in Coolidge’s life. He said the young woman blushed in confusion. Then Coolidge said, “Now, don’t get stuck up. I just said that to make you feel good. From now on, I wish you would be a little bit more careful with your punctuation.”
Me: WTF?!
Carnegie: This is a superb example of how to praise someone’s good points before saying the unpleasant things they won’t want to hear.
Me: No. If I was that young woman, I would’ve wanted to slap Coolidge. I definitely would’ve been deeply uncomfortable, resulting in a blush. This example really shows the time when this book was written and first published. What Coolidge said to his young secretary was inappropriate and should never be used as a positive example.
As soon as I read that, my boredom with the book transformed into me being appalled. And then I finally was able to put my finger on why I didn’t connect with or enjoy this book up to that point; Carnegie’s tone and words were off-putting and egotistical to me. And the advice promotes people pleasing and manipulation.
When you get down to it, most (if not all) of his advice went like this: “do this for everyone else but never yourself,” which could lead to boundary issues, a lack of self-esteem and self-care and pretty much everything that begins with “self,”since his advice was all about other people and ignoring your own wants/needs/interests. If used in real life, in the long run, this could prove harmful to the people who follow the advice.
Not only that, but the advice could lead to fake friendships/relationships and ultimately you being a fake person, which is the opposite of what you should do to build honest, healthy, happy relationships.
I wouldn’t recommend this book to anyone.