3.5 stars - 3ish stars for the first half, 4ish stars for the second half

I almost DNF'd this so many times, because exposition-Eleanor struck me as Sheldon Cooper's personality meets Cady Sinclair's backstory. Misanthropic narrators and I don't tend to get along, especially when they're as judgmental — and worse, in denial about being judgmental! — as Eleanor is, at least in the beginning; at times it also feels like the reader is being invited to laugh at the autistic-coded character, which I never like. Maybe that wasn't the author's intention, but that's how it felt to me.

A lot of her social commentary also felt ... cheap, for lack of a better word? Like the jab at McDonald's "hot beverages may be dangerous" labeling, it's something that's probably crossed most people's minds, it's just that Socially Awkward characters can get away with actually saying it. (It's a legal liability thing, by the way, which I would've thought a research-loving character like Eleanor might have known. Or maybe not, if she just chalked it up to "society is inane and everyone is stupider than me.")

And beyond that, honestly the narrative just felt monotonous and bland: if Eleanor doesn't care about anything that's happening, or anyone around her, or even herself really, why should we?

But oh, the second half of this book. There's so much character growth, and it's not the personality transplant/sunshine epiphanies that you get sometimes.

Spoiler

I am absolutely here for destigmatizing therapy — although Eleanor was beyond dismissive initially, I'm so glad she listened to her friend and her GP and gave it a fair chance, and that it was helpful for her. While "curmudgeon learns the value of human relationships" and "emotionally-starved adult learns the value of vulnerability" aren't my favorite tropes, I think in this book it's tastefully done. And while the hints at a love triangle made me roll my eyes, I did like that Eleanor and Raymond don't actually end up getting together in the book, leaving it all open to the reader's interpretation.

So all things considered, in hindsight I wouldn't have deliberately picked this for my first novel of 2020, but it was a decent read. And sometimes that's all we can ask for.

content warnings:

Spoiler

past physical & emotional (child) abuse, past domestic violence & abusive relationship, major character death(s), death of a child, alcoholism, suicidal ideation, ableist language, implied past rape, fat-shaming

rep:

Spoiler

possibly-autistic MC with depression & likely PTSD

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CONVERSION: 9.1 / 15 = 3.5 stars

Prose: 8 / 10
Characters & Relationships: 8 / 10
Emotional Impact: 7 / 10
Development / Flow: 4 / 10
Setting: 5 / 10

Diversity & Social Themes: 3 / 5
Intellectual Engagement: 3 / 5
Originality / Trope Execution: 2 / 5
Rereadability: N/A
Memorability: N/A