First reviewer of this book! Here we go:

It was like trying to hold on to water - my fond memories of her were trickling between my fingers and in danger of slipping away completely. Watching movies, even attempting to make my own, was my way of holding on.

For what feels like the longest time, I've been wanting more and more stories about mental health that are set in the Philippines and center the experiences of Filipino families. With that, I'm very happy to have found Katrina Martin's debut novel, which follows a young teen girl's coming-of-age as she and her family move to Manila for a fresh start.

With her mom's increasing mood swings and depressive episodes, Cayt (pronounced as 'kite') wants nothing more than to live a normal kid's life - away from judgmental eyes and away from the stigma surrounding her mother's alleged "crazy". However, her fears - of drawing unwanted attention, of not being the "good daughter" that her father expects her to be, of failing to take care of her family, of the mother she's loved slipping further and further away - make it very difficult for Cayt to feel normal.

What really struck me about At Home With Crazy was the way it challenged my own ideas of what it means to be a good daughter, especially at such a young age. Since her mom's mood swings make her an unreliable parent, Cayt is forced to take on additional responsibilities, such as dressing and sending off her little sister to school, keeping an eye out on her mom whenever her dad isn't around, and doing grocery runs for the family. As a panganay (eldest child) myself, I didn't even think to question this - until the book forced me to recognize Cayt's yearning to feel like a kid again. And I think that's a really, really powerful and profound thing - especially in a culture where children are still often seen as investments or retirement plans.

This novel also did a good job at examining other cracks within Filipino culture - namely, the need to "save face" at the expense of everything else, the still prevalent stigma around mental illnesses, and the almost instinctive way that we sweep family problems under the rug to "keep the peace" in the household.

In terms of craft, I will say that the writing wasn't as polished as I wanted it to be. I would've liked to see more character development among the supporting cast, especially Cayt's father and younger sister. And I also found some scenes a little too heavy-handed, although I can understand the author's intent in writing them that way.

Nonetheless, this was a solid debut novel, and Katrina Martin shows a lot of promise and talent as an author. Cuttingly honest, brave, and deliberately provocative, At Home With Crazy invites its readers into its hurricane of complicated families, zombie films, and daydreams of independence, and challenges them to dance along.

Final verdict? Recommended but please take note of the trigger/content warnings.

[ trigger / content warnings:

Spoiler

depiction of bipolar disorder; attempted suicide (non-explicit); suicidal ideation; depression; grief; loss of an infant (non-explicit); verbal/emotional abuse from parent (challenged and corrected); dialogue telling someone to go kill themselves (challenged and corrected); ableism

]

* I received a paperback copy of At Home With Crazy from the publisher (Milflores Publishing) in exchange for an author interview - to be released on my blog.