TW: Ableism, use of functioning labels, R-slur, other ableist language

Please note this review is coming from an autistic and ADHD non-binary white person.

I picked it up as my spouse and I have years of autistic/ADHD trauma to sift through, and was looking for anything to aid us in reflecting and acting in dealing with it. The actual strategy didn't appear till well near the end of the book and was dealt with too briefly, in my opinion. It seemed pretty generic but did have some aspects I'm interested in trying.

I had very mixed feelings about this book. One paragraph I'd be thinking "Yes, yes, this makes SO much sense!" and then the next I would feel quite uncomfortable and be squirming in my seat. I found myself going from one extreme to the other so many times I could not comprehend what the message or meaning of many sections were intended to be.


Some critiques I want to address:

The small section on race was the most mind-boggling. While the author made great strides to talk about the intersectionality and very real issues that relate to being autistic and a POC, he interviewed zero POC, only quoting from one interview he found online. He then proceeded to state that single person's opinion of their experience with race and autism as if it settled the entire matter. It was, to quote page 72: "lack of attention to [being autistic and Black] creates the perception that 'the majority of Black people must be "normal", which [Mike Buckholz] says helps them "Go about their business"'.

This quote was very uncomfortable because I follow a few Black autistic advocates, and they have continually repeated the issue of Black people being rejected as autistic or withheld from important resources because of Black autistic erasure. I have seen so many Black autistics pushed aside, spoken over, and mentally exhausted by us white folks talking over them and ignoring all the differing factors the Black autistic experience brings. This is a book about stigma and trauma, and not going into the intersectionality of that along with race is literally erasing all people who are not white.


The section on self-diagnosis (page 56) was also head scratching. He seemed to give no opinion on it, and yet the entirety was about how "being on the spectrum seems as fashionable as ever". As if to make it a point he points out no one "clamber[s] to be on the 'severe' part of the spectrum'." On that subject I REALLY disliked his constant use of the label "ASHF": Asperger's syndrome/high functioning'.

This is why functioning labels are so darn damaging.  In some areas of my life people would not know I'm autistic, and in others, given the day, I literally cannot answer the phone or get myself to eat. My levels of 'functioning' vary, and due to being labeled as "high functioning" I'm excluded from badly needed resources like help cleaning my home, respite care, or basic dignity of being believed by my GP. Other autistic folks have more visible needs of support, but that doesn't mean they are not able to function in other areas. It's not a competition of which of us suffers more or less from societal stigma than the other.  

Also self-diagnosis is valid and needs to be respected. Gatekeeping this is classist and racist. Getting a professional diagnosis is expensive. In my country is around $1000.00, and that depends which doctor you get and how many misdiagnoses you might get along the way (shoutout to the many doctors that misdiagnosed me and my spouse! (waves) Appreciated the medical trauma!). Already us autistic folk are usually unemployed so cannot afford to be professionally DX'd to appease others.

Overall, an interesting read, but messy and doesn't quite know where it stands.