Note: I am an autistic/ADHD person.

TW: Ableism, internalised ableism, ABA, war PTSD,

This book had some amazing things going for it. Great and well researched autistic rep, especially with good descriptions of internal feelings Abby was going through and how they affected her outward actions. Also great supports her family had in place - a support service dog named Amigo, a tent with all her favourite things that was her own private place, and her family making a seperate dinner for her with it not being some big deal. Her autism was just a normal part of their lives, and not a big ol' tragedy.

Nearly halfway through is when things started to get dodgy. Abby's teacher gave her an A- for a presentation, praising how it was perfect, but the '-' was simply for NOT LOOKING at her classmates as she spoke. This teacher is never called out. This is the problem with so many people today of asking us autistic folks to do something (AKA, write a report) and we do it perfectly, but then we are punished for doing the right thing the wrong way. This is something we autistic folk face everyday and we are punished for arbitrary aspects that in all respect DO NOT MATTER. Please stop this folks.

This is also the second middle grade book about an autistic girl where autistic folk are compared, one way or another, with dogs. Abby even thinks "If I can train a dog, why can't I train myself?" like it's a sort of "aha" moment, and then goes on to practice ABA therapy on herself...! Doing things that torture herself (being around noise, unpleasantly dirty water, being in crowds) and rewarding herself with gummy bears when she gets through it.

(For those unaware, ABA 'therapy' is the very VERY problematic approach of 'training' the autism out of a person and making them 'act normal' by withholding comfort items or bribing with food, or giving emotional pressure to the autistic person to perform the 'right way' around others. This is proven to be a dehumanising, traumatic and deeply scaring, and every autistic advocate who has had to go through ABA campaigns against it.)

This part made me feel really sick, and mostly because I've FELT that internalised ableism and the craving for peoples approval. Abby's parents praise her for 'pushing herself' when in reality, and she clearly states, she hated every moment of it. Her doing this is serving NO ONE in her family, let alone the most important person, herself. By the end of the book she even says her training program on herself 'worked' and that made me so sad. All her program did was put more pressure that she'll continue to apply to herself all through her life, and increasingly be unable to meet.

This book isn't a COMPLETE write off, as there are positive messages, such as Abby realising she IS putting pressure on herself and needs rest after doing all these hard things. But it was just so soured by encouraging, not just ABA, but self practiced ABA that I can't in good conscious recommend it. Which is a darn shame because the writing was great, the characters fun, Abby a brilliant and smart girl, and I cannot praise the storyline with Miriam's brother more. It handled military PTSD and it's affects on the person affected and their family SO well and the ending solution was so sweet I wanted to cry.

I'm let down, and I wish actually autistic sensitivity readers were consulted before this went to print.