A compelling, candid, quietly beautiful piece of historical fiction and queer coming-of-age story.

 

We follow Lily, a Chinese American teenager living in 1954 San Francisco. Her assumptions about life & love slowly start to unravel as she questions her identity and stumbles into the underground lesbian nightlife community. Lily is unexpectedly crushing on her classmate Kath, but between communism paranoia and the crushing expectations of being a “good Chinese girl”, her world isn’t safe. How can she fall into her first love without losing her family and safety?

 

The writing is thoughtful and clearly well-researched. While we’re mainly focused on the ‘50s, we get a few time skips and learn more about the generations of Lily’s family along the way. The story feels incredibly grounded in historical reality.

 

While I loved watching Lily’s journey identifying as a lesbian, I wished we got a bit beyond the surface level for Kath. She was just kind of there to blandly complement Lily and to bring her into the nightclub scene. I think there could have been a more compelling push-and-pull between them. Side character Shirley had a lot more going on - and though she was far less likable, she was more interesting.

 

There are so many opportunities for readers of all ages to see themselves on the page. Some strengths include: various queer & lesbian identities, Lily’s struggles with racism as a Chinese American, Lily’s voracious pursuit of sapphic representation, and Lily’s desire to pursue STEM and Kath’s desire to be a pilot.

 

It is really difficult and tense, specifically in the last 30% or so of the book. There’s a lot of slowness at the start, and then an explosion of danger & action all at once without quite enough time for resolution. 

 

Lily is so earnest and curious - I really enjoyed witnessing her arc, and only wished the story had covered a few more years. I would love to see how she continues to tackle her anxiety and how she lives as an adult (outside of the boundaries of her immediate family). Lily is incredibly naive from start to end, and I wanted to see her knowledge expand. 

 

Overall, I loved the focus on first love and discovering identity and connecting with roots & culture while still embracing the new & hopeful. 

 

CW: homophobia, lesbophobia, racism & racial slurs, xenophobia, outing, toxic friendship, sexism, misogyny, miscarriage, police brutality, sexual harassment, transphobia, bullying, cultural appropriation, classism, hate crime, alcohol & drugs, war, sexual content

 

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(I received a free copy of this book; this is my honest review.)