*4.5 stars, that .5 is for kitay
(trigger warnings at the end)

where do i start? what do i say? am i meant to have coherent thoughts at this moment?? im so damn confused, with how i feel, how i'm interpreting parts of the story, what i think about certain characters. i don't know if i could ever properly voice or express what this type of experience was like.

experience and triggers overview
i read the audiobook, so hearing what was going on felt like a fever dream of sorts- there were points where my mouth was just agape at hearing the atrocities that were occuring, and the whole time in my mind, i had to remember: this is accurate to history. perhaps without the magical flames and water beings and calling on gods, but the violence and genocide written within these pages have happened before. it was downright sickening to read, and the majority of the triggers i listed down below are made up from chapters 21, 23, and 25. those were particularly distressing and i HIGHLY RECOMMEND reading the triggers before going into this book because you'll think you're prepared, but you might not be and i do not want anyone's mental health increasingly hurt by this story.

characters
the characters were so dimensional within these pages, they were so real. so tangible, it was like i was sat in there and listening to them strategize as well as hurt. the pain these characters go through is expertly portrayed with care. it was shocking, yes, but i do not think any characters were tortured for shock value, no, their trauma was a stab to the heart and it trickled into aspects following them.

rin is our main character and she is probably one of the most complex main characters i've ever read about. she had me going through hoops trying to figure out how i felt about her; her need for power was so visceral, i was terrified and concerned all at the same time. it was like i was her parent, concerned for the choices she made throughout the story, and you have to remember, she's only 19. that's an adult, but she was also hardly exposed to the happenings of the world for a majority of her life. the relationships she builds within this book are some of her first major connections to people, and i adored it!

other characters i incredibly enjoyed were kitay, venka, and and nezha. i feel there is so much potential withint hese 3, and yes, i'm biased, i ADORE kitay. he is a light against rin's growing darkness, and he is unafraid to set her in her standards when she makes mistakes. venka and nezha, imma need more from them, because the things these two could do... nezha could become a fave, and i'm already liking venka a whole lot.

notable characters who deserve more are the cike clan! AYO GIMME MORE OF THEM! badass assassins who are all quite morally gray and concerned with very little besides themselves and their orders... i'm looking at qara and chaghan very respectfully. i do not beg, but i will ask 84 times for more of qara and chaghan THANKS. also is it just me, or do both of them gimme.. yknow... [limp hand] energy? i'm not the only one, right?

plot
now, i'm not expert in plots- i read books usually for characters, but the way this book is paced.. i'm salivating. there's no way you wouldn't expect me to salivate at the beauty displayed in this pacing, sis. the first half, PERFECTION. this is some of the best pacing ever, i was intrigued, laughing, crying, on the edge of my seat. i couldn't stop listening.

then the second half came and smacked me in the face. i think that's why i couldn't give it the full 5 stars, there were parts within the second half that went by way too quickly for my liking. some things i needed more time to digest. oh, especially the ending! ma'am, lemme soak in it for a hot second, please.

conclusion
in conclusion, i'm an actual wreck. how you do that to me, miss kuang. i read this book so fast, now i gotta wait until i get my hands on the dragon republic. but what's stopping me from rereading this book already, hm?