This book was intense. I read this over a year ago and it still feels so visceral. I picked this up on a whim, knowing some people who'd liked it and just needing an ebook, and wow I did not expect to love it so much. I demolished this book in a single night and I could not put it down.

I loved the way Russell handled Vanessa's character. She was allowed to react negatively, and make the wrong choices, and not be the "perfect victim." She was so real and that made her feelings and her pain that much more real too. I loved her rationalizations and her insistence that she wasn't a victim. They weren't fleeting, but rather deeply ingrained in her character and self identity. Everything about her was so well constructed.

The abuse was romanticized in the best possible way. I know that sounds weird, but Vanessa romanticized her own abuse and her own rape, and it would have been so easy for Russell to cross the line into the narrative romanticizing it as well, but she didn't. It was beautifully written and added so much depth and nuance to the story.

I think a lesser writer could have easily botched this book with all the difficult topics and sensitive themes, but Russell did so amazingly well and I desperately want her to write more books so I can devour all of them. This was fantastic and I can't recommend it enough. I still want to acquire a physical copy of this book because I can see myself coming back to it for rereads for a long time.