Starting in late 2021, I've noticed a big uptick in the number of books I've read by/about asexual people, and I decided to read Ace to learn more. You know, as a good ally.

But then some recent experiences made me reevaluate a lot of my assumptions about myself and want to dig deeper. So I read Ace not as an ally, but as someone for whom demisexual seems an increasingly appropriate label.

What I found in its pages isn't a "so you think you might be asexual" primer, but rather a consideration of what asexuality is and how asexuals are positioned in a society that prioritizes sexual and romantic relationships above others. Chen also considers how gender, race, and disability influence how people perceive asexuals both within and outside of the community.

I admire how Chen blends reporting, analysis, and memoir into a book that felt substantial even as I tore through reading it in barely more than a day. By far my favorite parts were the quotes from interviews she conducted with aces, which did not always precisely line up with my experiences, but that were almost always illuminating and interesting and have helped me start the work of teasing apart the differences between romantic, aesthetic, and physical attraction.