We all know what doesn't kill you will make you strong. But have we ever paused to think about at what costs? My mind runs a mile away every time I think about this. In order to be strong, what should I give up? To develop thick skin, how many cuts do I need to get? Think about the amount of coping mechanisms that a person has to undergo to process trauma. This is one of the focal points in Milk Fed.



Rachel is in a toxic relationship with her mother. Her mother bullies Rachel for her weight, her appearance and anything under the sun. This sends Rachel into the black hole that is a coping mechanism. She follows a military regime of exercise, she counts her calories every day and she always has a nicotine gum or two at ready. And what her therapist says about this? She suggests Rachel do undergo a 90-days detox plan for healing. But the twist is this detox plan involves her not talking to her mother for the said days. Whatever happens within these 90 days makes the premise of the book.



The interesting part of this book is the exploration of desire. Desire to pleasure and to be pleasured. Desire to love. Desire to eat. Desire to feel the love of a mother who refused to provide it to her as a child. Desire to be accepted. She desires to pleasure and love Miriam, an obese woman who works at her favourite yoghurt shop. What starts as a normal crush soon develops into obsessive and unhealthy. She desires to be mothered by Ana, her older but beautiful coworker. But most of all, she desired to be accepted by her mother for what she is for. While these desires are normal, she is looking at the wrong sources to have them fulfilled.



When Rachel meets Miriam, she goes on an eating spree. Binge eating food and starving on later days to compensate for it. At one point, she continuously checks her weight on 3 different weighing machine that didn't show her a proper value. As Rachel starts feeding herself, she starts to heal. 



I didn't know much about Judaism and its practices. But Broder gives a detailed insight into a traditional Jewish family when Miriam invites Rachel over to her home for Shabbat. I particularly love how Broder connected her spiritual dreams with the guts. When Rachel feeds her body, she feeds her soul. And just like that, what made her feel powerless, made her powerful. In her newfound confidence, she does impulsive things that make her lose her job. But also enabled to spread her wings to another venture.



Milk Fed is highly sensual, raunchy and deliciously dirty. The intensity of this book made me recoil into my tight inner-shell to stop the overwhelming emotions. It left me contemplating about myself as a person and the things I did, do and will do for a little love. Whether I am capable of loving myself?  When shit hits the sky, can I be there for me? If I can mother myself when my mother can't do it for me? Do I love myself to be my own daughter?