Ahoy me mateys. It is time for this book to walk the plank . . .

“But Cap’n!,” me crew beseeches. “Why? Why must ye toss our beloved book overboard? Does it not have a wonderful title? Cover? Blurb? Please don’t send Monty overboard. We ship him and Percy! Please no!”

“Bah!” Says I. “It was all yer caterwauling about this novel with its shiny cover, rascally good title, and tantalizing bits of plot that led me to not only pick up yer recommendation but not abandon Monty at the first sight of him.”

“Aye, Cap’n! But aren’t ye glad to have met Monty and his crew? Monty is a sarcastic degenerate with a sense for fashion and fun. Doesn’t he bring joy and happiness to the crew?”

“Bah! The only happiness that ye should be carin’ about be me and mine good will. Monty may be fun to ye slobbering scallywags but to me he be impetuous, self-serving, annoyin’, whiny, unmotivated, and useless in times of crisis. Which he always seems to be the cause of. That Percy of his seems to be a jolly dependable sort and that sister of his be worth ten of each of ye rotten flee infested reprobates. But Monty. He ruins everything!”

“But won’t ye at least let them plead their case? I mean don’t ye think Percy and Monty deserve to be together forever? Aren’t they the perfect ship?”

“Bah! The only important ship be me own. Monty is goin’ to walk. Percy is a lost cause due to his infatuation with that useless guttersnipe. Their whole relationship be one bad trope. Percy could do so much better. And while I am sure that Felicity will survive and thrive, she goes where that despicable brother of her does. And as to her further adventures, I just don’t care.”

“But Cap’n! Won’t ye reconsider?”

“No.” :: splash splash splash::: Arrrr!

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