[ambulance noises blaring] 

[rushed on the stretcher]

[incoherent medical jargon being thrown about]

…fading in and out of consciousness…

*record scratch* 

*freeze frame*

You must be wondering how we got here, well let’s start from the beginning…

The second my fingers gained access to this book I cracked it open and HAD to read it because everyone I knew said this book was made for me and so I couldn’t resist I’m a simple girl. 

At first I was kinda underwhelmed?? But thought okay there has to be some reason there’s a craze over it so I’ll just be patient. Then came a turn in the story like fifty pages later and I was all yess we’re finally getting somewhere until it started to get boring again. It wasn’t until then that I realised the docu parts of the book kept taking me out of the story and I’d start daydreaming about other shit. Clace and Hoda had to scream at me to keep going, so persevere I did. And i can finally tell u that yes it was fucking WORTH IT. Idk what I would’ve done had I not stayed patient. 

It wasn’t until I think the third part of the book where I was RINSING thru the pages like it was water. I was thirsty for answers I didn’t get up once during the second half of the book for NOTHING not food not air nor water, this book became my sole sustenance for those last moments. I was so consumed with it I didn’t see anything but Kate and Heath. 

The plot twists, the mindfucks, the angst and tension kept me fed for decades to come. I truly don’t think you can replicate the feeling this book gives. You can look elsewhere but the characters you find will not compare. 

|| IMPORTANT ||

I wanted to clear smth up, there was NO cheating in this book between the characters. Shit happens but there’s a really fine line. Inferences and opinions can be made however anyone sees fit but factually speaking there isn’t any cheating. I went into it with the misconception that there is and it kinda made me a little ?? bc the whole time was bracing myself only for it to not happen. Left me confused and a lot annoyed over the unnecessary stress. 

The characters:

Kate — she’s such a passionate person. Whatever she puts her mind to she does it and sees it thru. I loved how flawed her character was and how her complexities were depicted. She was frustrating as fuck. She was endearing. She was cruel and a bitch. She was sweet and vulnerable. It’s these intricacies and nuances that I value in any written character. Her every facet added to her character and it made me love her a little more for it. 

Heath — him I couldn’t get a read on for the life of me. To be very honest he’s still a mystery. He was an open book so easy to read for the first half of the book and then after it felt like I didn’t even know who he was. There was no safety in his character which was a new.. uncomfortable feeling for me.

||| SPOILERS AHEAD ||| ur girl needs to scream about the absolute fuckery she just experienced 😝🔫

-

-

-

Imma be so real the main reason it got interesting was bc the drama ramped up so high and I was living for it. 

When they became celebrities and started drifting apart mentally and emotionally? 😮‍💨 that was masochistic type shit. Idk why I didn’t just stop there (we all know why) but I kept reading. It was like watching a car skid on ice and slam into the nearest tree. You simply cannot look away. 

When he said fuck u to Bella and took Kat to the hospital carrying her bridal style (which was so hot btw) I felt such satisfaction. That bitch. Didn’t like her from day one and still don’t lmao. Never gna get over the shit she’s pulled on Kat especially to do with her physical and mental health. I’m a bitter bitch to the very end. 

The actual funny thing is that I called Bella and Heath’s revenge fuck so early in the book but clace and hoda gaslit me into thinking i was off my rocker and it wasn’t gna happen, THOSE BITCHES (I’m glad they did it tho bc it made the betrayal that much worse and a shock but fuckkkk 😭) 

at that point I felt numb bc like what the fuck?? It was crazy. I know it’s not cheating and shit but that betrayal CUT DEEP. Like I gasped so hard I almost vacuumed the air outta my room. 

I’m so glad Kat dumped him and fell off the face of the planet. Served them right, those rats. 

However, I feel like it kinda got swept under the rug after?? It was weird. It’s not the only time things got swept to the side too and it irks me to this day. 

That betrayal has nothing on/doesn’t cut as deep as the time we find out Bella’s preggo with HEATHS FUCKING BABY. 

That one shredded me 

flayed me 

shattered me. 

It felt so fucking unnecessary. And while Kat was right fucking there?? He went to Bella while she was skating with him? After she came BACK???? Unacceptable. I wanted to murder Heath. Scream at him. Shake him so hard his bones rattle. It was the most shocking shit in the book- it HURT to see him dote on another woman 😭😭😭😭 no bc what the fuck 

It was supposed to be Shaw and Rocha forever. They wasted so much fucking time. I’m so frustrated with both of them. Argh. 

**edit — after time away from this fucking book, I can finally appreciate what Fargo was doing by trying to give everyone a happy ending in her own fucked up way, like Kat not having to compromise on birthing a child, Heath getting to fulfil his by having a kid with Bella, Kat and Heath still managing to be together and get the things they want from life. It’s fucked up but I see the bigger picture (DOESNT MEAN I HAVE TO FUCKING LIKE IT UGH) im sooo pettyyyy I will hold this against Heath forever. **

It came to a point when I even began to accept that they wouldn’t be together in the romantic sense. I almost made peace with that (I was still soooo salty about it and I’m never gna deny it) I cussed hoda and clace out tho bc I’m never forgiving them for the shit they put me thru. 

AND THEN WHEN HE STARTED CHOKING ON HIS BLOOD AND DROPPED TO THE ICE???? I FUCKING STARTED HYPERVENTILATING LIKE FOR REAL I THOUGHT HE DIED DEAD 😭😭😭 EVERYONE STARTED BEHAVING LIKE HE WAS PAST TENSE AND THAT FUCKED ME UP SO BAD 🤚 I was so scared.

This brings us right back to the present, the ambulance, the fading in and out = this book was reaching its last moments with me. I was SO ready to give this book one star lmao. I was locked and loaded. Safety off. My finger hovering above the one star til the second I read that he was breathing and he’d be okay. The relief I felt 😫 ! nothing in this world I can even compare it to. WAS ABOUT TO PASS OUT MYSELF FROM HOLDING MY BREATH FOR WHAT FELT LIKE PAGES AND PAGES. 

There was so much to process here. Like what the fuck is the mafia doing in this 😭 and franny that backstabbing grimy smelly bitch!! And Dimitri? I just knowwww he stinks of piss and sprays cologne on his sweaty pits. 

AND SHEILA?? That last betrayal fucked me uppppp. I did not think she would do it. It didn’t even come to my mind that she would be behind that leak or that she’s the one that made Heath leave. So much wasted time 😫 she broke them apart and it killed me. Heath, my baby Heath just wanted to be better for Kat and she drove him away I wanna scrrrrrreeeeeeeeammmm. 

 

Also Lee? That rat bastard 👺 didn’t expect him to DIE tho. That was a shock. *Good riddance* who said that 🌝

Garrett the only green flag 😭 poor guy got shit on by everyone. I just wanna hug him. The most self aware sweet soul in the whole book 😫💗🫂

||| Spoilers Over |||

The writing:

Okay so here’s where I get stuck. The writing was so mid. If it wasn’t for the characters themselves and plot I would’ve been bored outta my mind. The writing was dry. 

The docu style shit bored me to tears. I would be so invested and then turn the page only to find the interviews like WHAT IS IT NOW ARGH?! I started daydreaming whenever it came up lmao 😭 I did not care until at least the halfway mark. It wasn’t until then that I started to actually give a shit about who was talking. 

The story drove a lot of the book but when it came to the important, plot twists and emotional scenes there wasn’t much detail?? Idk it felt like everything was happening to these characters, we were being told and not shown in any detail. 

For example: there would be a betrayal and Kat would just feel betrayed but the emotions would be described very briefly and not expanded on. It felt very rushed sometimes. 

I also hateeeee the time jumps. I will NEVER appreciate having chunks of time just missing. It feels like a copout and messy work. It ruins the momentum and detaches me from the characters which doesn’t help. It’s one of the reasons Heath isn’t as much of a loved character by me. 

Somehow all these flaws still can’t make me give this any lower than a four and half star? It’s a confusing position to be in right? Like u hate so much about it but it still gets a high rating what the fuck? . . . Yeah, I’m thinking the same thing! 

But I can also explain that too, it’s frustrating, pisses you off, rlly digs in on ur last nerve, right? well, that’s the whole point. The author did her job phenomenally in that department. She MEANT to make us hate and question and doubt the characters. They’re not supposed to be flawless cookie cutter 2D cartoons, they’re complex and hard to digest but that’s literally my bread and butter. I thrive on this shit. I love seeing the raw unfiltered messy toxic side to characters. It’s makes them human. It makes them real and gives them a life outside of the book where I can be like yeah I could totally see so and so doing or saying this in any situation. 

So as much as I hate a lot of the flaws, it’s what makes this book unique and refreshing. Not the docu style or the rags to riches story. It’s their reactions to the things that happened to them which made this a unique experience for me. 

TL;DR

This book hurt in strange ways and left me wanting while also satisfying my curiosity but just on the surface. A lot of shit happens that didn’t go the way I wanted it to. Any time I created expectations they were DEMOLISHED and then were never really built back up with the right foundations? Can u tell how confused this book made me? It’s so hard to articulate the effect this book had on me. 

But bc it made me cry die sob laugh and scream in both frustration and agony it’s getting the almost five star treatment. The way this fucked me up mentally?! I still think about this book wanting to cry tears of frustration daily 😝🔫