p.281 "'You know, this is turning out to be really anticlimactic.'"
...
Could not have said it better myself -_-. This book was atrociously boring. It took me almost 3 weeks to slog through this dinky 300 pager, because every time I opened it I groaned, or spaced, or reached to play some mind-numbing match-three game on my phone instead of finishing this ding-dong book! I think it's guiltiest of false advertising. The positive blurb on the jacket claims this is a book filled with "Mystery, Magic, and Mega-Cute Rivals-to-Lovers that [will have you] flipping through pages at lightning speed!"... NOPE, it isn't.

Mystery: There is none. The front cover would have you believe that Rook and Sun are an odd-couple team-up of gadgetry and magic solving a crime in an old haunted house... NOPE! That never happens. There is ONE scene in an old magical house, but it's about tagging the estate's items because the inheritors want to safely dispose of the previous owner's cursed junk. The entire scene is forgotten almost as quickly as it happens, because it's only a vehicle to get Rook and Sun into the same room together. There is no whodunnit. No item or person of significance. There is no grand conspiracy. In fact, the laws about how magic can be used, and how someone will be punished if they break the law, are very direct and understood by everyone. Everything that happens is unsurprising, and entirely Rook's fault for knowingly breaking the law, repeatedly - Rook even admits as much and turns himself over to the authorities, so... Where is the conflict? Where is the intrigue? Where is ANYTHING?

Magic: Not really. For the first half of the book, Rook can't figure out how to cast magic. For almost the entire second half, Sun is stuck as a cat, so neither of them can cast magic. Antonia and Fable are allegedly skilled sorcerers, The Consortium is supposed to have a stockpile of magical energy reserves that fuel some badass bureaucrats a la Agent Smith, even Rook's grandmother is alluded to have been a frightening force... BUT WE SEE NONE OF THAT! When the secret society of sorcerers finally do come to arrest our heroes, they give a FOOT chase, for Merlin's sake! What we DO see of our "magical" heroes are coffee runs, phone calls, carpooling, ordering takeout, napping with a cat... I know that Cozy Fantasy is a genre, but this book took the "cozy" part soooo far that it may as well have been a straight up office romance novel.

Mega-Cute: The book INSISTS on itself, especially when in Rook's PoV. The narration will tell us that something/someone is "cute", or "amazing", or "terrifying". The reader never gets to decide that for themselves. I was told how to feel, instead of being given a series of dialogues and metaphors and atmospheric descriptions and /feeling/ the book for myself! As a result, I ended up feeling nothing. Similarly, characters are described as being "genius", or "evil", or "powerful", but we never witness those skills on the page. Telling is not showing. I was not stirred by the plot, nor moved by the characters, because they didn't live up to their own hype.

Rivals-to-Lovers: Rook and Sun aren't rivals. They work amicably on some field work together. Then, they hang out some more, and tutor each other on math and magic. Afterwards, their bosses have a falling out over some work ethics, and INSIST that Rook and Sun break off all contact. But from the moment they met, Rook and Sun almost instantly respected and admired each other, and agreed on everything. Their bosses' weak attempt to sever their connection did not last, and neither blamed the other for their bosses' behavior. And, once everyone got arrested, that ethical line in the sand was completely erased, and everyone became one, big, happy team again. ROOK AND SUN WERE NOT RIVALS! They were not in competition. They were not foils to each other's ambitions. They barely struggled with Feelings vs. Duty, because what conflict could have been stoked by having feuding magic-reversal squads, was instantly dashed by giving them a common enemy, instead.

Everything this book claims to be, it isn't. If you're in the mood for a cozy high school study-buddy, or freshman college intern, romance, sure, fine, enjoy two kids drinking soda and going to grandma's house. But if you want an intriguing, intricate, magical noir, or an adventurous, found family, steampunk fantasy, rivals-to-lovers romance... look elsewhere.

But even if this book had been everything it was purported to be... I think I still would have been disappointed. I came to expect the gimmick of a fairytale retelling, and when I couldn't find it in this book, and the writing continued to be lacking and disappointing... I started to doubt whether F.T. Lukens could write a compelling original novel. Multiply that by the fact that they only seem to write one kind of couple: The Bert and Ernie odd-couple. A happy-go-lucky puppy with a cynical, straight-laced, grumpy cat. 3/3 books, different setting but same couple, I'm over it.

This book was a boring lie, and it made me lose faith in this author. Such a waste. Do not make the same mistakes I did, people! Read something else!!

PS - OH! What was the deal with the Dolores Umbridge of this book being named Evanna Lynne Beech.... EVANNA LYNCH?!?! Why are you dragging Luna Lovegood?!?! Of all the Easter Eggs, why would you do an homage to one of the most beloved cast members, with the villainess hated more than Voldemort?!?! It's just cruel! So, add that to the pile: Boring, Untrustworthy, and Cruel.