The weak fear happiness itself. They can harm themselves on cotton wool. Sometimes they are wounded even by happiness.

TW: sexual abuse

What I liked: the exploration of mental illness, the personal, intimate writing that felt as though you were truly reading Yozo’s own thoughts, how raw and nitty-gritty everything was presented, how this book didn’t shy away from the hard realities of depression and anxiety and offered what I feel is a very accurate portrayal of them, and the way that it all ended on a hopeful note for the reader. As much as Yozo was incapable of focusing on anything other than his own - perceived - shortcomings and failures, everyone around him had a completely different idea of him than he had of himself. I think it’s really important that this book essentially tells us that no matter how ugly, incapable and rejected we may think we are, there will always, always be people who truly love us, and who want the best for us, even if sometimes we can’t see it.

What I hated: the truly abysmal way in which women were treated and thought of throughout this novel (virginity being the one redeeming quality that a woman could have and the only thing making her marriageable? Sex workers being only referred to as idiotic simpletons, even as Yozo’s the one who keeps seeking them out? Yozo literally watching his own - VERY young - wife get raped, not doing anything about it, and instead of being angry or sad, he just treats it as yet another thing that he, through his fundamental brokenness, deserved? Also, him lamenting not the horrible thing that happened to Yoshiko, but rather the loss of something that benefitted him, namely her ability to trust where he couldn’t? I know this book is a product of its time, but come. On.) It was enough to make me want to put it down several times. I even thought of throwing it out the window, and my books are some of my most prized possessions. I would never throw one, but I fully considered doing so, and that tells you all you need to know.

Overall, nothing life-altering, but not completely horrible, either. While I didn’t enjoy this first foray into Japanese literature as much as I would’ve hoped, I still feel like I was able to take away some important messages and teachings from it, and I’m glad that I did get around to reading it!