Sometimes you read a book that grips you from the start, that slowly captivates you more and more as you read, until you read the final page and realize how completely, utterly in love you are with every part of it. It’s become less common for me to have such an experience while reading, but that’s what This Is What It Feels Like was for me.

I picked this up randomly because it was the title I pulled from my new TBR jar, though — while I was eager to check another book off of my owned TBR pile — my expectations weren’t high. I figured this would be a fun, moderately quick read, and I was pretty sure it was at least a little bit queer.

To my surprise and pleasure, this was so much more. Barrow crafted a brilliant, complex story following three brilliant, flawed girls as they navigate life after high school graduation. The three protagonists are Dia, Jules, and Hanna — the first is a grieving teen mom, the second an out and proud lesbian recovering from a prior toxic relationship, and the third a former alcoholic trying to put her life back together. They’re also former band mates that, after two years, must overcome their differences in order to enter the local music contest, as the prize is bigger than ever.

I have nothing but praise for this novel.

The whirlwind of freedom and confusion, excitement and nervousness, that comes with graduating felt so authentic. It’s been eight months since my own graduation and I could still strongly relate to this.

Dia and Jules had such a great platonic dynamic, and it was interesting to see the slow, steady way Hanna returned their duo back into a trio. There were undeniable obstacles, but seeing them come together was inexplicably wonderful.

Other relationships were treated with just as much care. Dia’s parents were so supportive, and her daughter Alexa was the cutest freaking bean ever. I’m so glad she got a decent amount of page time. Hanna’s home life was a bit rougher due to her past choices, but her younger sister Molly was definitely a highlight, snarky yet sincere in that sibling way. As for Jules, her family wasn’t really present on page, though what her chapters focused on instead was just as good, in my opinion — an absolutely precious sapphic romance with her new coworker. They were shy and unsure at times but still passionate, and I loved them so much.

Barrow’s story is one full of heavier topics, but each one felt like it had a place in the plot. There are some instances in which such things feel out of place, or as if too much was crammed into a single book, but not this time. Everything fit together and flowed well.

Lastly, I want to talk about the music. I tend to love stories about songwriters, bands, performers, or any combination of the three, but I read so few of them. When I realized music was a major element in this novel’s plot, I was excited, and Barrow didn’t let me down. The lyrics, the practices, the performances, the emotions surrounding it all...for a girl with stage fright and minimal musical skills, it was fascinating, exhilarating even, to read about.

I’m running out of both words and energy, but the point I hope I’ve made is that I love this book so much more than I ever expected to. This Is What It Feels Like is a hidden gem, and I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone that can handle the content.

Representation:
• Dia and Jules are girls of color. (I can’t remember if anything more specific is mentioned, sorry.)
• Jules is a lesbian.
• Autumn, a side character, is fat and sapphic.
• There are a few side characters of color and at least one queer side character.

CW: death of a side character, grief, alcoholism/alcohol addiction, smoking, mention of prior hospitalization