My oldest read this several years ago, so we have a hard copy in our home library. I got the audio and kindle edition from the library. Mostly listened, but referred to the text a few times. Interesting to see the updates (two "addendums" added 2010 and 2016). My audio did NOT include and reference to the addendums, looks like my library copy of the audiobook was produced in 2009, whereas on Audible, it has a release date of 2018 ... so I wonder if the Author's Notes and other changes have all been updated on the later release. I don't always look at details (publication date) but was interested enough to investigate here.

As I had a physical, Kindle and audio copy ... it was interesting to compare the Table of Contents on each. They ... for being the SAME BOOK, are SO different! It's very frustrating if one is attempting to navigate between formats! The physical copy only lists the main parts - it doesn't list the chapters in the parts. WHAT? Useless TOC! There are 53 actual chapters with individual chapter headings that should have page number references. The audiobook only listed the basic chapter 1, chapter 2, chapter 3 ... I guess these did actually correspond to actual chapters in the book but I really wish audio would include the chapter headers, the "parts" was not included in the TOC.  The Kindle copy ... that had the TOC that needed to be in the other two formats! Bookish pet peeve of mine. 

For the book itself - I very much appreciated the Author's Notes at the beginning, where talked about his sources and research. "Anything in quotation marks was either captured on tape, recorded by me or other journalists or police investigators at the time, published in official documents, or, in the case of casual conversations, recalled by one or more of the speakers with a high degree of certainty. When the speaker was less sure about the wording, I used italics. I have abbreviated some exchanges without insertion of ellipses, and have corrected some grammatical errors. No dialogue was made up."  Some of these distinction are lost in audio, and I'm not sure I would have remembered without referencing when reading on my own ... but still, it's appreciated. 

If this had been a fiction book, I might have complained that there were too many characters. Being non-fiction ... that's not really valid. Still, I did have trouble keeping track of everyone. Admittedly, that could be on me too ... my memory isn't what it once was.  I felt a little like I needed to be "studying" more and keeping notes to keep track. The jumping around in time was also a bit challenging. Constantly shifting from the after to the before all the way through. It just broke continuity for me, although I'm not really sure what other options the author had. 

A few of the points that hit me the most  ...

Memory - so interesting the talk of the survivors recollections, especially the principal. 

The Failures - thinking if the shooters read this book, they would NOT like their representations. This failed, that failed. I don't have distinct memories of when this was happening, although, I just checked my journal for the day (I had two boys then a newborn and a four year old), and I did write about it, so I was aware. In my journal I did mention the "guns and bombs" although I hadn't remembered the bombs at all until I read this account. How much worse it could have been if things had gone according to plan. 

Hug - In chapter 52, there is a look at some of the "after" of the survivors and their loved ones. One section was about Linda Sanders, the widow of Dave. She had become a recluse, rarely leaving the house or interacting with others when one day, she just needed a hug. She walked out of her house and looked to see if anyone was around, then started knocking on doors. When one opened, she basically asked for a hug, and the woman gave it to her.  I just tried to imagine this scenario, what I'd be thinking if I was the woman who opened the door. I too of course would have given a hug, but I feel so helpless in helping others. I never know what to say or do. This is such a minute part of the whole book, but for some reason, it hit me really hard. 

Other Books - It was interesting how much time was devoted to the "She Said Yes" book, in fact this author reviews it on Goodreads, positively, even after explaining the premise of the title is in fact false. There is a little discussion of Brooks Brown's book, but I don't think I even saw a mention of the one about Rachel. Just interesting the discrepancies ... I see now there is also one written more recently by the mother of Dylan.  I'm not sure I have the emotional energy to read more on the subject, we'll see if I ever get to these other books.

I'm glad I read this - I do feel I should have a deeper understanding of what happened. Without reading it slowly on my own, taking notes, I don't know that I have all the names, dates fixed in my mind, that I could actually give a good recounting. I feel I have a better general overview of the events though. My youngest (#5) is currently a senior in high school, perspective and personal connection does play a part in how one takes the information in. I need to talk to my #1 (who was four years old when it happened) who read this when he was high school aged ... he said it really impacted him.