My first memoir from a trans person! As a trans person! And what a way to do it.

I’m going to skip the traditional summary of this one simply because I want people to experience this as I did — with open, unknowing arms. Avi Ben-Zeev bares himself to the world in an intoxicating way, reflecting on his current life as a trans gay bear while giving us his history as a hyperfeminine woman. Ben-Zeev weaves his story using the structure of one of his academic papers, bringing us from the past to the present present in one page while we work to understand all that has come before us and all that we will never know. I cannot get enough of his vulnerability, and I hope this was as healing for him to write as it was for me to experience. I think I know that it was.

At the core of the story we have Talia, who will not be left alone. Avi’s pre-transition self is not entirely likable, in the way that my own past self is not likable. People make poor choices when faced with a lifetime of trauma and self-loathing, and if you cannot sit by as that is recounted to you, as you hear about people making choices that will affect decades of their life, this book isn’t for you. But if you are here for the grit and rawness of what building a new life for yourself out of the mistakes of your past looks like, this book is a ride. My favorite parts were Avi’s relationship with his mother, and the entirety of the last chapter (buckle up). Overall though, I found every chapter striking, and I was often brought to tears over his journey to tentative acceptance of Talia. I mean, how am I supposed to see someone go from being a therapy reject to finally graduating out of therapy and not get a little sobby?

Two things that I don’t know how else to include. First, the author is Israeli, but the author is an anti-Zionist, pro-Palestinian Israeli who talks in depth about their hatred for the IOF and the occupation of Palestine. For my fellow readers boycotting Zionist authors in the face of continued Palestinian genocide, this book is safe. Second, this book is a lovely choice if you are not typically a fan of memoirs. It is so much easier to read, and at times I breezed through it as if I was reading lit fic. Give it a go, if you make it to the end you will not be disappointed. I originally rated this book 4 stars, but only weeks later I am back and have updated this to a 5 star. I cannot stop thinking about it. I am so glad this book has transformed in my mind already. I cannot wait for it to transform with me.

Thanks to NetGalley and Muswell Press for an eARC of this wonderful memoir in exchange for an honest review. I cannot wait to read more from your authors!