Once again, I curse 2018-Aleksandra for not writing proper reviews back in the day when I first read this book. Because unlike with [b:Shadow and Bone|10194157|Shadow and Bone (The Shadow and Bone Trilogy, #1)|Leigh Bardugo|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1339533695l/10194157._SX50_.jpg|15093325] and [b:Siege and Storm|14061955|Siege and Storm (The Shadow and Bone Trilogy, #2)|Leigh Bardugo|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1362166252l/14061955._SX50_.jpg|19699752], I do believe my opinion for the final installement fo the Grisha trilogy has drastically changed.

Rereading Ruin and Rising was an odd experience. First, I had to read it differently than I would have as the Grishaverse books are part of my bachelor thesis. Second, I had forgotten many things of the plot over the years that it felt odd to see how I regarded certain things differently than when I first discovered this series. And last, by now, I have developed a nostalgic feeling regarding these books that I find myself all over the place emotionally. To sit here and try to form the right words proves to be a harder task than I could‘ve imagined. And then there‘s the matter of [b:King of Scars|36307634|King of Scars (King of Scars, #1)|Leigh Bardugo|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1525110825l/36307634._SY75_.jpg|57978319] and [b:Rule of Wolves|36307674|Rule of Wolves (King of Scars, #2)|Leigh Bardugo|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1598133584l/36307674._SY75_.jpg|57978381] - two books that have brought more depth into the world, and have added to the chaos of the Grishaverse to which I only can respond by viewing things differently than before.

Ruin and Rising is the last book focusing on Alina‘s journey as the Sun Summoner and counterpart of the Darkling. We have witnessed her discovering her powers, finding out the truth about the Fold and the Black Heretic, trying to come at terms with her powers, and lastly becoming a living Saint. I strongly believe that despite the stereotypical tropes we encounter in this series, Alina‘s journey is a special one. Maybe it‘s because I love how her story was embedded in the beliefs of the country, maybe because we get to witness an orphan who thinks of herself as invisible become the most powerful Grisha, lightning the path for others - or maybe it is because I‘m very nostalgic.

Alina‘s character development was always something that was beautiful on the one hand, and incredibly bothered me on the other. As I have mentioned above, her journey from a First Army soldier, a cartographer to a living Saint and the only opponent worthy of the Darkling is beautiful. There is so much care put to the fact that Alina constantly walks the fine line between staying good and trepassing to something like villainy. She often finds herself in that grey area, and I must admit I wished Bardugo had explored that place more. The ending of Siege and Storm offered so much potential that just was left aside in this book. Not necessarily because I think her relationship to the Darkling could‘ve become interesting, but because that step could‘ve been made so easily - and Alina‘s inclination was right there. I, as much as everyone else, crave to see the hero win. But sometimes I would love to see that the hero takes the wrong turn at their path, to learn the consequences at firsthand. In the end, Alina had to face the consequences of her greed. And this will - after all this time - still remain an issue to me.

Spoiler

I will never be a fan of the trope where the character loses all of their powers. Never. But I can safely say it never bothered me as much as it did with Alina‘s case. There is a certain beauty in the way Bardugo wrapped up the story, and ended it where it had began, I have to admit. One thing I always loved about the books was how each „Before“ and „After“ chapter connected the story. As an example, the way Shadow and Bone stars by calling Alina and Mal malenchki, and ending it with them being called fantomen in the epilogue. So to end the story where it started off gave the story a whimsical touch, left us off with a bittersweet ending that seemed fitting. I think I now realized that what bothered me was never the fact that Alina did lose her powers, but how quickly she faced this fate. She still was in the process of becoming who she needed to be. She was ready to die in order to save the world, but she would have died as the person she longed to become, she had fought to become. Instead, everything was ripped off from her, leaving her to confront who she is without her powers. For a story, where we watched Alina not only coming to terms with her life as a Grisha, but accepting and finally loving herself, it was and will always be an unsatisfying ending. As beautiful as it still is. As much as that aspect of the ending still bothers me to some extent, I have to admit I appreciated the Darkling‘s fate more. Maybe it‘s because after reading Rule of Wolves I see things differently (without going into spoilers here), or maybe it‘s because this was the only way to end things right. The moment Alina loses her powers is a vital turning point. Not only for us, but for the characters themselves. Alina faces a version of herself that seems familiar and strange at the same time. The people around her have to see their beloved saint not being their light and guidance. And the Darkling lost his last hope to find someone that could understand him. His ending is probably one of the most emotional ones I’ve read. Maybe because at this point, I‘ve never felt as much for a villain as I did now. Maybe because we see him giving in the despair he had brewed up inside himself. But in that fine act where Alina thrusts the knife into the Darkling‘s chest, we feel that all of this happened because a child had been alone on their journey. A theme that constantly plays a role throughout the trilogy. The funeral scene will remain my favorite scene of this book. It holds so much emotion, so much thought, and such a strong message in every possible way. And just leaves us with this bittersweet feeling we can‘t shake off. Do I still wish for it to have ended differently? Maybe, to some extent. But I can‘t deny the raw beauty in this one. Something I did come to appreciate more this time around.

The Darkling, Alina‘s counterpart, is a tragic character that I will always love for his complexity. Do I agree with the choices he made throughout his life? No. But is there a part of me that understands why he turned the wrong way on his path? Absolutely. I don‘t regard the Darkling as the villain of the trilogy. More, I think the evil remains the system these characters find themselves in. A constant theme throughout this story is the lonely child. A constant question is the one of belonging. It starts with Alina growing up as an orphan, and not finding her place until she has to face the fact that she is the Sun Summoner, to Mal trying to find his way when the one thing making him stand out gets taken away - his position as a tracker -, to Nikolai trying to earn that throne despite the rumors, to Genya wanting to find her place among the Grisha order, to at last the Darkling who only wanted a safe place for him and people alike. What we witnessed in this story is how one reacts to the system. And how easily it gets to make the wrong decisions.

What I didn‘t remember was how little we see of the Darkling in this story. In my mind, he was constantly there - but he wasn‘t. Generally, I have to say that this book lacked the intriguing events of the previous books. Mostly, we see them on their journey to retrieve whatever they need in order to fight off the Darkling. While Siege and Storm lacks the action-packed events as well to some extent, the focus was on Alina accepting who she is. In Ruin and Rising, we don‘t see much of a development during the middle part. And I would‘ve wished for more to happen.

What I didn‘t expect to happen was that my hatred for Mal has passed. He still isn‘t the most likeable character if you ask for my personal opinion. But he definitely has grown from the ass we see in the second book of the trilogy. His character development is rather subtle, but it makes sense. And as much as he was holding Alina back in Siege and Storm, we see him coming to terms with the situation. I guess, over the past years the picture of Mal acting jealous, possessive and desperate was what stayed in my mind. I‘m happy this had changed. Even if I still can‘t call myself a fan of him, and definitely will never become a fan of Malina, I‘m glad that I finally can let go of my dislike of the character.

Something that kept me entertained rereading Ruin and Rising were remarks done by Nikolai and Zoya. As you can imagine, my love for the privateer remains strong, and it was once again fun to see Nikolai before the events of King of Scars. However, one thing in particular stood out that I found incredibly funny. I‘ll hide it behind the spoiler-tag, but if you‘ve read the King of Scars duology go for it:

Spoiler

Not once, not twice, but three times we can see some foreshadowing of Zoya and Nikolai‘s romantic development we witness in the latest Grishaverse duology. While the pairing doesn‘t seem very obvious, it was fun to see Zoya telling Alina to break Nikolai‘s heart so she can tend to him because she would make a great Queen. Or Nikolai mentioning how his principle is never to date someone prettier than him when Zoya was suggested. Or Zoya saying that it‘s almost impossible to resist his charme. I don‘t know if these little sprinkles were intended to develop into the pairing all along, or if Leigh Bardugo ran with it when she stumbled upon these remarks during her prepartations to write the King of Scars duology, but I‘m glad they were there. It‘s an easter egg for everyone who attempts a reread, or read this series after discovering Nikolai‘s story.

This review has become long enough already, so I don‘t want to add more even if I know I could.
It was nice to be back with Alina, the Darkling, and the Grishas. To rediscover the world of Ravka. To witness an orphan becoming a living saint. I definitely have managed to grasp more of the story this time around, and I‘m suprised and glad about the change of thought I have. While my rating doesn‘t seem to change at all, the reason for it did. I was able to appreciate the ending more during my reread, I understood there was more hidden in Alina‘s story than just becoming the Sun Summoner and defeating the Fold and the Darkling, and in the end, despite the issues I have found (which weren‘t out of selfish reasons this time around), I enjoyed this journey and its bittersweet conclusion.