“The moth slaps at the glass repeatedly, desperate to escape. […] It becomes more desperate to get out, and its wings blur with the effort of trying to free itself. It’s painful to watch, and without thinking I grab one corner of the curtain and cover the moth, pushing it into the glass with the heel of my palm until I hear the crunching sound of it dying.”

For Amelia death is something she’s surrounded with on a daily basis as she’s a cosmetic mortician. But when someone dear to Amelia suddenly passes away she feels detached from herself and tries to become a new animal by hooking up with complete strangers and exploring the world of BDSM and kink clubs.

Ella Baxters debut has been called the best debut of 2022, won several prizes and she’s been labeled the Australian Rooney. It made me curious and after reading it I get the praise. This novel is messy, raw but at the same time humorous. Its a book that in the short span of 184 pages makes you feel discomfort, shameful but also grief sorrow and laughter. In a prosaic writing style we experience Amalia on a journey. From being very used to death, feeling detached and as a consequence using s*x as a way to feel like a complete human being; to experiencing death as a real thing after losing someone dear and in the process searching oneself by experimenting with BDSM and kink clubs. This book is funny, but isn’t for the light hearted. It makes you feel raw an exposed but also teaches us to always listen to your body and mind. A wonderful debut that makes curious for the next novel by Ella Baxter.