3.75 stars

I don't have to like the protagonist in a book I'm reading. That being said, it's definitely easier to connect with a book if there is something about the protagonist that is sympathetic for the reader.

This book is definitely an exception to that. I hated the main character for most of this book. I still ended up really enjoying my reading experience. I feel like this is a case where even though I have a myriad of complaints about the book, I still ended up really enjoying it.

What I liked:

1. Sam. It's really all about Sam for me. I just want all the good things for him. I want to protect him from the bullies and a system that isn't equipped to help him. I have a son who is the same age as Sam. He is not on the autism spectrum like Sam, but he is a sensitive kid who also loves minecraft. I connected with Sam in such a profound way because of the ways in which he reminded me of my own son. I was heartbroken when he was bullied. I was enraged when the adults at his school seemed perfectly content to see Sam barely functioning because of their incompetence and lack of resources.

2. Minecraft. I loved that this book shows that things like video games and other media can be a positive thing. This is how Alex (the protagonist) was finally able to start connecting with a son he loved but couldn't understand. This game was the gateway for Sam to be able to start expressing himself and interacting with other people. And the connection Alex was able to make with his son through the game translated into them being able to connect in the real world. I just...loved it. Especially when you consider how some media, primarily video games, is vilified in our society. As I said before, my son went through a stretch where he wanted to do nothing but play, read about, and talk about Minecraft. He's had similar obsessions with other things (pokemon, lego, star wars, mario bros.) and each has expanded his interests and given him a point to connect to other people with similar interests.

I will also say that I felt like the strongest writing in this book occurred when the author was describing their Minecraft adventures. I personally haven't played the game, but I have watched my son play and I felt like his descriptions of the setting and what they were doing was absolutely perfect.

3. Autism rep. Like I said, I do not personally have experience being the parent of a child with autism. However, I do have multiple friends who have children on the spectrum, and I appreciated that the author acknowledged that not every child with autism has the same tendencies. They are not all like Dustin Hoffman's character in Rain Man (that is a specific example he gives), counting cards and regurgitating a bunch of random facts. They are not all completely unable to function in society. It is not always obvious that someone with autism is any different from all of the neurotypical people surrounding him or her. In short, each case is different, which is what makes being a parent to a child with autism so challenging.

I also liked that this book doesn't shy away from discussing the challenges and the emotional impact it can have on a person to have a child they don't know how to connect with. As frustrated as I got with Alex, I was able to look at him as a parent and acknowledge that even when you try your hardest, sometimes it's just not good enough.

4. Alex and Sam's arc. As much as I dislike Alex throughout most of this book, I love the growth of his relationship with Sam and how he learns to be more patient with his son.

Things I didn't like:

1. Alex and Jody. Alex was the worst. Seriously, over half of this book was simply him whining about how tough his life was and how he hated his job and his marriage was in trouble and blah, blah, blah. Even after he finally got his shit together regarding his son and finally started trying to be a decent parent, he would still complain about everything else. He threw himself several pity parties and I was over it.

So many times throughout the book, he would think to himself something along the lines of, "I suck. I really need to stop sucking." (That's almost verbatim.)
So he's aware that he has been a garbage husband, father, brother, son, and friend. He actually tells himself to stop that behavior that got him to that point, but then he proceeds to do literally nothing about it for the first 30 chapters of the book.

And any time it looked like he might actually grow a backbone, take responsibility for his actions, and do something proactive to save his marriage, he would take any excuse not to actually do any of those things. He acted like he had no idea why his wife had kicked him out and no idea what he could possibly do to fix it. He and Jody (his wife) were so passive-aggressive toward each other throughout the entire book. This is an example of a typical 'conversation' between these two:

J: So, what about us?

A: What do you mean, 'what about us?'

J: What are we doing?

A: I don't know. I don't know what you want from me.

J: You need to work on yourself so you can be here for us.

A: I don't know what you're talking about.

End scene.

They never had an honest conversation throughout the first 80ish percent of this story. It made it very difficult to root for them as a couple or feel any kind of connection to them. We're TOLD that they had this wonderful relationship, but I don't see how that could be when they can't even have a straight-forward conversation with one another. It's obvious throughout the book that she wants Alex to get professional help. There are a number of times when she says some iteration of the following lines:

a. You need to work on you.

b. You have to sort yourself out.

c. You need some help.

d. You need to start dealing with things.

Never once does she just come out and say, "You have issues and I want you to go to a therapist to figure them out."
In all honesty, they should BOTH be going to a therapist, because Jody wasn't much better. I was definitely on her side in some respects. Alex had hidden in his work so he didn't have to deal with his own son at home. That makes him a jerk. But she needs to take a little responsibility as well. In the middle of the book when he finally takes Sam overnight, we learn that he's not been on his own with his son for longer than a couple hours ever. EVER. The kid is eight. Jody's passivity enabled Alex's shitty behavior. Now, I'm not dismissing the fact that Alex was a terrible partner and father, but you can't let that kind of nonsense slide for that long.

2. The writing. This is a debut novel, and even if I hadn't known that, I think I would've guessed. The language is simplistic and lacks description. The characters lack any depth. They have conversations where one person says something seemingly benign and then we're told that it was an angry or sarcastic statement, even when the statement itself seemed fine.

As I stated previously, my favorite writing in this book happened when Alex and Sam were playing Minecraft together. It was obvious to me that it was something the author knew a lot about and also felt deeply about. Reading his note at the end about his relationship with his son who has autism and how Minecraft was the thing that helped them bond was really touching, and it was absolutely the best part of the book. Other than that, however, it was lacking.

The dialogue was choppy and awkward. Some of the side stories seemed extraneous. I'm speaking mostly of his relationship with his sister and their past with losing their brother at a young age. I'm not trying to sound harsh, but it felt like the author was trying to make a connection from Alex losing his brother and his inability to connect with his wife and son in the present day and I just wasn't buying it.
I really disliked Emma, especially her nonchalant attitude when she freaking lost Sam in the middle of a huge crowd of people in the city. It's still making me angry thinking about it. And the fact that Alex basically lets it slide also makes me angry.
I thought the Matt/Clare characters were an interesting contrast to Jody and Alex, but I felt like the gambling subplot was unnecessary.
The Isobel subplot was, again, unnecessary. I liked that he met another parent who had a child with autism, but that wasn't explored like it could've been and their quasi-romance was over before it began. I suppose it was there to make him realize how much he truly loves Jody, but then it still takes like a hundred pages before he does anything about it.
This book could've been about 50 pages shorter and I think it would've been stronger for it.
Also, the ending felt a bit contrived. I wish they'd started reconciling earlier in the book so it felt more organic. It just ends up happening very quickly.

All of that being said, there was just something about this book that sucked me in and wouldn't let me go. I stayed up and read this 387-page book in one sitting. I loved Sam. The way his mind works is beautiful. This book really touched me.