1.5 stars


What I liked:

1. It was a quick read.

What I didn't like:

1. The unbelievable nature of the premise. First of all, Bailey's father moves to a small town across the country after her parents divorce. At some point, she starts talking to a random guy on a movie forum and...surprise! He just happens to live in the same town as her father! What are the odds?! Answer? Very, very minuscule. I could almost understand if we're talking a big city like LA, New York, Chicago, etc. But this is supposed to be a little surfing town in California. It's just not plausible, and for me, the suspension of disbelief was a little much in this case.

2. The unbelievable nature of the premise, Pt. 2. So Bailey chooses to live with her father after her mother's new marriage implodes. She doesn't tell the boy she's been talking to (who calls himself Alex, although she knows that's not his real name) that she is moving to the same town as him, even though they have talked about meeting on many occasions. Immediately after the move, she starts working at this weird museum where she starts working with this random guy Porter...any guesses who the guy is? Well, you don't have to guess. The synopsis literally tells you that Porter *is* Alex. I'm sorry, but that is too many coincidences for me.

3. The fact that the entire plot (if you can call it that) is in the synopsis. Like I said, the synopsis lays out the entire story for us. We know going into this book that it is similar to You've Got Mail and Shop Around the Corner and that Bailey and Porter are actually Mink and Alex. And that is literally it. There are no surprises along the way. None. At all.

4. The 'romance'. So, later in their relationship, I will admit there were some cute, sweet moments. HOWEVER, the beginning of the relationship is so problematic I don't feel like a few sweet moments later on make up for it. When they first meet, he is leading her orientation at her job. In a very real sense, he is in a position of authority over her, especially considering the fact that he is a security guard. However, this doesn't seem to phase him in the slightest when the first thing he says to her is, "Guess I lucked out and got the good-looking group."

Then there is his comments about her appearance:
"Come on. Don't get shy on me now, glamour girl."

When she questions how he got his job:
"Eighteen opens all sorts of doors. You can vote, legally engage in any and all imaginative sexual activities with the consenting person of your choice."

When he makes up a quiz for her:
Note - every single question he asks her is highly inappropriate for the workplace, so this is just one example.
"Did you leave D.C. because:
A) you couldn't find any hotties to hang out with; or
B) your east coast boyfriend is an ankle buster and you'd heard about legendary West Coast D, so you had to find out yourself if the rumors were true?"

When she decides she doesn't want to answer his questions and asks him what business it is of his:
"Seeing how this is your first day on the job, and may very well be your last, considering the turnover rate for your position? And considering how I have seniority over you? I'd say yeah, it's pretty much my business."

Yeah, you read that right. He fucking threatens her employment for not answering questions about her sexual endeavors. Seriously. I do NOT understand how people could find this cute.

But that's not the end...

When she calls him at work about a thief:
"Speak up, I can't hear you. Or are you trying to come on to me? Is this your sexy voice? I like it."

It's just wrong. Maybe if the set up for their relationship was different. If she'd met him at school or a party and he acted like that...I mean, it still would've been jerky...but at least it wouldn't be fucking sexual harassment in the workplace! I swear I am not a prude. But this relationship is based off of such inappropriate behavior I just don't get the appeal...

5. Telling, not showing. This happens a lot in this book. There are several instances where Bailey will just relate interactions without any dialogue, almost like she's telling a story to someone after the fact with no detail. I just didn't like it.
However, something else that falls under the 'tell, not show' umbrella was all this 'Artful Dodger' talk. She refers to herself (or is referred to as) 'Artful Dodger' 22 times in this book. Twenty-two. This is supposedly because instead of confronting situations head-on, she runs away. She supposedly can't handle confrontation and has serious anxiety to the point that she's had multiple therapists in the past. However, through the course of this book, she continually confronts people. Porter and Davy are two that come to mind. At nearly every turn, her fight or flight switch is pointing directly at flight. Almost every time she calls herself the Artful Dodger, she is actually NOT DODGING her situation.

6. Awkward writing. For the most part, the writing was okay (not great...very mediocre). But some of the phrases the author put into her main character's mouth were so awkward.

On her body's reaction to Porter's dreamyness🤢:
"I'm wearing a cardigan, and that covers up the majority of the headlight problem that is now happening in my breast locale."

Could that sentence sound any more awkward? I don't think it could.

On trying to ditch a guy she's hanging with who turns out to be gay:
"Does that make me an even bigger jerk if I walk away from this never wanting to see him again because he prefers another man's ham sandwich instead of my lady bits?"

First of all, yes. Yes it does make you a bigger jerk. Secondly, no one thinks things like this. Especially not a 17-year old girl.

"That must be some fine chronic you got your hands on this morning."
🙄
Umm...1996 called, and it wants it slang back.

"For the love of guns..."
This is, I suppose, the author's version of 'for the love of God'...but it doesn't work for me. At all. Especially considering the context of the conversation they are having at the time, which I won't detail because it may be slightly spoilery...

"Holy mother of sheep..."
🙄🙄🙄🙄

"He also had a hella bunch of heroin."
Again, what is with the incredibly dated slang?

There is just so much cringeworthy writing throughout this book. I could hardly stop rolling my eyes.

Other quick thoughts:

1. Bailey is a shitty friend. She completely ditches Grace and to the point that she silences her phone when Grace is trying to contact her (after Bailey didn't answer her text) because she 'doesn't want to be rude' to Porter and his family. Then when Grace calls her out on it, Bailey at first acts very dismissive and unapologetic toward Grace's perfectly legitimate feelings by saying, "She's not a happy camper." She then tells her, "I totally forgot to call you back." Which is untrue. Bailey didn't forget. She made a conscious decision to silence her cell phone and 'put Grave out of my mind'.

2. The reveal we get about Bailey's past is flimsy and underdeveloped. The resolution we get to it has a definite air of 'love healed all my hurts'.

3. The estrangement between Bailey's mother and her is flimsy and underdeveloped. And we get zero resolution.

4. Bailey acts like she's a terrible judge of humanity because she didn't realize a guy she was hanging out with was gay...um...it's not like there's a blinking sign above a gay person's head...

5. There is a subplot in the book that creates this obstacle of Porter and Bailey being open about their relationship, but it's super flimsy (are you sensing a pattern?). If she'd just put her big-girl panties on and talked to her dad, I don't think it would've been an issue. Total plot contrivance.

6. There is some serious demonization of drug addiction in this book.

7. The author feels completely uncomfortable writing about sex and sexual situations. Bailey refers to masturbation as 'doing unspeakable things to myself.'
Later:
'When Porter offers to do the thing for me that I normally do for myself'
Why is it so difficult to say 'masturbate'? Or even 'touching' or something like that. If the author can't write about sex in a way that doesn't sound awkward, maybe she shouldn't write about it at all.

8. They are both movie lovers but have maybe 2 short conversations about movies. I would've like more movie references.



All in all, if you couldn't tell, I disliked this book immensely. Actually, I started disliking it more as I wrote this review and revisited all the things I really hated about it. It's too bad, because I felt like it had potential.