“When I was younger, thinking about whether I wanted children, I always came back to this formula: if no one had told me anything about the world, I would have invented boyfriends. I would have invented sex, friendship, art. I would not have invented child-rearing.”

― Sheila Heti, Motherhood



I once read a post on Tumblr about how after a man identified what makes a woman pregnant, the whole dynamics of child-rearing changed. The discovery of the penis makes a person pregnant has created a sense of possessive egotism among the people to have biological offspring. While everything evolved, this possessive hold continued to remain the same.



Giving birth to a child is a complex process. A simple google search spews a huge set of statistics on how childbirth is one of the leading causes that leads to maternal mortality. The history of menstruation in itself says a lot about how hard it is to create a single life and nurture it into a full-fledged human being. Reading all these science facts should encourage me against having a child. However, I want to be a part of this miracle. Ever since I saw the wrinkly face of my very small sister, I know I want to be a mother.



And reading this book just solidified that thought. Yes, this book is about why the unknown narrator didn't want to be a mother. I enjoyed reading the prose and it made me think in many places. Especially about how society is not kind to the people who don't want to be mothers at all. I like to be a mother and I want to be one but doesn't form the axis of my life. The thought that a person should put being a mother before their life sounds ridiculous even to me. 



And yet again, we are shown that we control a person by controlling their body. The current situation all around the world is also not helping. Just because one wants to be a mother doesn't mean I should expect the same from others. I don't know why this common sense is absent among the 'World Leaders'. Nothing good is going to come when we force a person to have a child that they don't want or a child that won't survive birth. Pregnancies are not inconvenient and a 2-week old foetus is not a person. By focusing the shame on women (and people who can get pregnant), people are kept in line. 



I don't want to go into complete details as I am afraid of giving up too many details. But, I enjoyed the exploration of mother-daughter dynamics in the book. The narrator, her mother and her grandmother all form some kind of love triangle. Yet again decades later, WW2 has this spectral presence in this book. The narrator says that she is writing this book to make her mother happy and her mother studied to become a doctor to make her mother happy. You can be anything you want, but nothing can beat the acceptance of your mother. And it is painful when that is withheld from you.



What didn't work for me here is the repetitive dreams. It was all fine and good but after a point, it was like journal entries. Also, the I Ching method did help to explore the mind but I got weary after a few chapters. I don't know whether it is intended or not, but the blatant ignorance of the narrator around contraception is appalling. I mean, she didn't want to get pregnant but the birth control she uses is withdrawal? And yes, some places were too first world for me that screamed privilege. However, I am not the target audience and I am going to ignore that. I guess this book is a form of catharsis for Heti and I hope it served the purpose.



I realize this is not the review I had in mind but hey, it doesn't get any better either. I suggest you read this book with an open mind and read it because it explores motherhood that is refreshing.