I read an ARC of this that I received from another reader for free.

Warning: This review is mostly just... a lot of rambling that might not always make sense. My opinions/feelings are my own and while I'm accepting comments, I'm not really looking for anyone to fight me on them or explain why I shouldn't feel that way.

Rep: Black, biromantic asexual protagonist. I believe it's #ownvoices for all three of those aspects, but definitely for the Black and ace parts.

I'd say the importance of this book is 5, while my enjoyment of it is 3, so that averages 4. This was one of my most anticipated reads for this year but I just... couldn't really get into at all. I admit part of the problem was that I heard awful things about the original version, and that tainted my view of the book even though the copy I read had almost none of that stuff. However, I also had a number of issues that /did/ stay in this version.

1) Alice is afraid of coming out because she doesn't want to be known as "Alice the Asexual", but honestly, she barely has any personality besides being asexual and liking cute things.

2) Alice's family stressed me out, and I didn't like that their behaviour was somewhat justified (e.g. Ryan agreeing with them). Maybe I took it personally because it's something I'm sensitive about, but man, forcing/guilting your kid into going to school for an incredibly difficult career she has no interest in is not a good thing. This was thankfully addressed and Alice does stand up for herself later, but I didn't like how her whole family + Ryan was just on board with it.

3) I also hated how Feenie said that Alice (best friend) and Ryan (fiancé) were both important to her, but at the same time it was obvious that her romantic relationship with Ryan was more important than Alice, and she just wanted Alice to accept this, while she also expected Alice to place her above her friendship with Takumi? In the end, they admitted it was both of their fault that they spent less time together, but it still had a really strong "well OF COURSE romantic love is more important than friendship, that's just NATURAL" feeling that I hated.

4) Before going into this book, I heard that it was kind of a wish fulfillment fantasy with a perfect romance and the perfect guy who accepts Alice for being asexual, but I... didn't really feel that. I get that Takumi saying he still wants sex and he can't change that was /realistic/, but some of his lines still made me cringe. I would have been happier if this was TRULY an "unrealistic" wish fulfillment where the love interest really, 100% accepts the main character's asexuality and desire to not have sex. Like, even if my partner otherwise accepted me, I'd still feel really guilty if he implied that he still wants sex and it's such a hardship for him that I won't have it. (This point is the hardest to put into words, so sorry if I'm not making sense.)

5) I mentioned this when I started reading the book, but I still have conflicted feelings about making the /very first chapter/ an acephobic and racist breakup. I understand that it had to be there, but it's just a really bad first impression in my opinion, and if I hadn't read praising reviews from other ace readers, I most likely wouldn't have continued.

6) There is a line where Alice says that if she went home and told her family she was bi or a lesbian then they'd understand that, but if she says she's ace they'll send her to the doctor, and like... Okay. I 100% understand that explaining you're ace can feel harder. I personally am out as bi to my parents, but I have no idea how to even begin to talk about being ace. I get it. But that doesn't mean coming out as bi was easy? And I was LUCKY, but that doesn't mean other people don't still get sent to the doctor for being bi or lesbian.

In order to not end this on a negative note, I'll list some things I liked:

1) I loved that the main characters worked in a library.

2) This might be obvious, but I just really love that there is a story about an unapologetic biromantic asexual black girl - it's important, even if I ended up not liking it.

3) I feel like with fandom/Tumblr, most people go either... a) full of praise of the whole thing, even the super cringy behaviours of fandom, OR b) scoff at Tumblr and act like the whole thing is cringe-worthy. In this book, Alice talks about how Tumblr can be a trashfire, but it also has incredibly validating parts, especially for lesser-known sexualities. It was the closest to my own feelings on Tumblr, and I liked that.

+ Honestly, the romance was... okay. I didn't really hate anything about it (as I said, the creepy parts I read about were mostly gone), but I also couldn't really get into it. And seriously, who just... randomly goes to an underwater hotel in Tanzania? Can't relate.

I'd put a warning here to say that there are references to Alice being pressured into sex (either by her partner or peer pressure) in the past, before Takumi.