2021: A very unique perspective that I feel needs to be shared, but ultimately felt was a little too singular in comparison to how it was presented.

Chung makes a lot of references to life experiences that "non-adopted people might not understand". However, a lot of these were not exclusive to non-adopted people; for example, she talks about discovering that her biological relatives had the history of their family going back nineteen generations. This was shocking to her, and she expresses how much her family took that for granted, as something that non-adopted people might not have ever considered missing from their lives.

Honestly, I can barely tell you anything that happened in my family before my grandparents' generation. At the same time, this is something that I know many Black Americans struggle with, the inability to trace their genealogical history back past more than a couple of generations, due to slavery erasing much of their families' histories.

I mean, I am thrilled that Chung was able to reconnect with her biological sister and that she found someone who finally looked like her. But as an only child, I found her sort of statements that "everyone who grew up in a biological family doesn't appreciate what it's like to not have family members that look like you" to be a little demeaning and narrow. I regularly feel like I am missing out on what it might be like to have sibling relationships, and I know a lot of friends who have unfulfilling relationships with their own family members.

I also really struggled with Chung's treatment of her adopted mother. Despite her assurances at the end of the memoir that she still loved her the most, Chung certainly doesn't treat her like that throughout the book. I am working through how much my white privilege is getting in the way here, in perhaps expecting her to be more grateful of her parents' efforts? However, I am also reminded that this was from the adoptee's perspective, and there are a million books written from the adoptive parents' points of view.

This memoir certainly reinforced for me that many adopted kids struggle in communities that are not like their own heritage, and that therapy is essential in this situation! We now know that ignoring racism and having a colorblind approach to differences is not a helpful way to combat prejudices in predominately white communities. That all being said, Chung mentioned several times that she never told her mother the true extent of what she was feeling and experiencing. How can someone help you if you never share what is causing you pain?

Ultimately, I appreciated hearing this rather singular perspective, weaved into the reminder that although all families are different, we all share the desire to be accepted and loved by our families.