i struggled to pick a rating for this. there's a lot i adored about the story and quite a few things i was dissatisfied with. ultimately my rating might change in the next hour and once more tomorrow and so forth.

the story starts out almost painfully slow, but once it picks up it hooks you in. i switched between the ebook and the audiobook so i could continue until i was only picking up a few words per sentence and i knew i'd have to re-start the chapter in the morning. 

i really enjoyed the worldbuilding. i haven't read many vampire stories so forgive me if this isn't a new concept but

a vampire's bite eliciting different memories depending on the body part

was one of my favorite aspects of the story. still, there's certain things regarding both plot points and the world itself, that i wish had been expanded on a bit more. i don't think uxlay was utilized to its full potential as a setting, but this could be righted in future sequels.

despite the general negativity in people's opinions of kidan, i really enjoyed her as a character. she did annoy me in certain moments, but overall i thought her moral compass and the violence, the bloodthirst she fought to suppress were refreshing. the more i read the more i wanted her to unleash that inner darkness and see the lengths her ambition would take her.

sort of in relation to that last part, i have my gripes about her falling for

susenyos.

i guessed upon their first meeting that things would take the enemies-to-lovers route, and while a fan of that in theory, i'm much less of a fan of it put in practice, as i feel it's rarely well executed. i enjoyed the darker aspects of that dynamic, but when things started to change between them there were times i thought the story slipped in terrible modern YA romance territory. ultimately, i do find the dynamic appealing, just wish kidan's internal conflict regarding susenyos hadn't been overpowered so easily.

the ending felt kind of anticlimactic, in my opinion. it happened too fast, and everyone's actions didn't seem to have all that much weight on the story by the last few chapters. my distaste for the abrupt ending dissipated a bit when i saw this is a planned trilogy, but i still wish there had been something more to it. 

i wish i'd written down my thoughts as i read because this isn't half of what i wanted to say about the book. i'm still not sure if i've given it this rating to desperately cling onto the 4 stars i wish i could give it or because i think it's deserved, but i did enjoy this for the most part