The sixth book in the series, and yet another round of Sookie’s astoundingly dull thoughts on the outfits, hair-colour, cars and interior décor of herself and everyone she meets. Plot-wise there’s some more mysterious attacks on Sookie to explain, another male whose sexual assault Sookie mistakes for courtship, the re-appearance of Bill’s chaetophilia and basically very little else. A character to whom we have never been introduces is killed, Sookie goes to investigate the death of another character who has never appeared in the series, Sookie is nearly raped again, another body turns up in a cupboard. Sookie goes to another hospital. Bubba turns up again for no particular reason, and once again we have to hear everything about how and why he is and what he likes to eat. This remains uninteresting and unamusing. Finally two less-than-thrilling mysteries are cleared up: Sookie’s attacker is revealed to be the character who has a grudge against her, and the person who sliced a random new character in half with a sword turns out to be a new character who walks around wearing a large sword at all times. For some reason I was not entirely gripped with suspense whilst waiting for these outcomes.


Most Idiotically Inane Comment

“I yanked my hair into a ponytail and then doubled the elastic band around it,making it into a kind of topknot. I had a little fan of the ends waving above my head. Though I tried not to admit it to myself, I thought this slapdash hairstyle was fun-looking and kind of cute.”

Most Hypocritical Statement
Sookie on Tara:

“Now she was safe, if she was smart enough to stay away from the supernatural world.”

Most Childishly Bitchy Remark

Portia made the childish gesture, and tucked the thick catalog under her arm. She was wearing one of her "lawyer suits," a brownish tweedy-looking straight skirt and jacket with a silk blouse underneath. She had on beige hose and low-heeled pumps, and she carried a matching purse. Bo-ring.

Apart from the bitchiness, I’m not sure why Sookie makes this sound like she’s describing a child playing dress-up. In fairness, Portia is in fact a lawyer, and so is surely entitled to own as many lawyer suits as she wants without being insulted.


Most Selfish Action
Jason Stackhouse leaving his girlfriend at home suffering from the after-effects of a miscarriage, whilst he visits his sister’s for a hamburger.


Biggest Inconsistency
To get around her own stupid rules about the were/shifter ability only passing down from two were/shifter parents to their oldest child, Harris decides to make both old character Debbie Pelt and her newly-introduced sister Sandra adoptees. As Sookie explains:

“Okay. Debbie Pelt, werefox, had been adopted. I'd learned that the Weres were prone to fertility problems, and I assumed that the Pelts had given up on having their own little Were, and had adopted a baby that was at least some kind of shape-shifter, if not their own kind. Even a full-blooded fox must have seemed preferable to a plain human. Then the Pelts had adopted another daughter, a Were.”

I have two problems with this. Firstly, if weres and shifters have such fertility problems then where are all these adoption-eligible babies coming from. And second, at what point did Debbie turn from a were-lynx to a were-fox? I can only assume that even Harris herself is unable to bear to re-read her books, and thus was unable to proof-read for consistency.


Most Poorly Thought Through Scene / Most Childish Synonym for a Period

“My little friend had come to visit, and I felt the sensation even as I realized what was contributing to my general irritation.
I glanced over at Bill and caught him staring at me, his nostrils flaring. He could smell the blood. A wave of acute embarrassment rolled over me, turning my face red. For a second, I glimpsed naked hunger on his face, and then he wiped his features clean of all expression.
If he wasn't weeping with unrequited love on my doorstep, at least he was suffering a little. A tiny pleased smile was on my lips when I glimpsed myself in the mirror behind the bar.”

So being in the same room as a woman having a period causes a vampire to experience “naked hunger” and suffer somewhat. This applies even if the room in question is a crowded bar and the vampire and woman in question are not even close. In which case Bill has presumably had a very difficult 130-odd years as a vampire, as menstruating is something that many people do quite regularly for several days at a time without considering whether there might be a vampire in the vicinity. Personally I would have recommended him to develop a little self-control during his many years in existence, at least to a sufficient degree to avoid him making silly faces whenever a menstruating woman is nearby.


Stupidest New Character Name
Rafe Prudhomme
Gladiola the Half-Demon
Jade Flower – Clumsily faux-asian.


Worst Misunderstanding of the Concept of Irony

“my grandmother believed that plants, like birds and dogs, belonged outside; ironically enough, I'd gotten some houseplants when she died, and I was trying hard to keep them alive”

That’s not ironic Sookie. Disrespectful of your grandmothers wishes perhaps, but not ironic.


Most Snobbish/Small-minded Reaction

“The sheets startled me so much that I stood there with my lips curled. They were disgusting: black satin, for God's sake! And not even real satin, but some synthetic. Give me percale or 100% cotton, any day.”

Although I suppose it’s entirely in character for someone who is apparently shocked and amazed by the kind of basic goth accoutrements that the average 12-year-old might wear without a second thought. Black lipstick and striped tights really aren’t all that bizarre Sookie.


Most Clichéd Plot Development
Claudine the Fairy turns out to not only be Sookie’s Fairy Godmother, but also engaged in committing good deeds in order to become an angel. A nonsensical conflation of pre-Christian folk beliefs, traditional fairy tales and non-canonical biblical mumbo-jumbo often spouted in TV specials featuring desperate, mentally-ill people. Plus whilst informing Sookie of these facts Claudine compounds the horror by referring to Sookie as “The Sook”.


Most Noticeable Casual Racism

“The guard himself was a sturdy man with brown skin and a nose as curved as a rainbow. He'd been born somewhere in the Middle East, once-upon a time”

Most Unintentionally Revealing Remark

"Sorry, anyone who knows me knows I don't do women. I don't know who you expect Jade Flower's reporting to …" "But if they've done any homework, that's just a fact about me."

Absolutely everyone that Sookie knows, without exception, knows that there is no way that she would ever have sex with a woman. How? Presumably the subject hasn’t arisen independently with every one of her acquaintances. The only way this could make sense is if Sookie is known to have a prejudice against lesbians. Which, given that she has a prejudice against all women other than her, would certainly make sense.



Most Unnecessary and Vain Self-Description/Most Extended Criticism of a Dead Relative’s Taste in Clothes

“I checked out Hadley's clothes that I'd wriggled into. The black spandex workout pants came to midthigh. Hadley probably had never worn them, because they would have been too big, to her taste. On me, they were very snug, but not the snug Hadley liked, where you could count the … oh, never mind. The hot pink tank top left my pale pink bra straps showing, to say nothing of a couple of inches of my middle, but thanks to Peck's Tan-a-Lot (located inside Peck's Bunch-o-Flicks, a video rental place in Bon Temps), that middle was nice and brown. Hadley would have put a piece of jewelry in her belly button.”

A particularly fine example of Sookie’s tendency to combine an obsession with her own clothes and person with a compulsion to belittle others in comparison with herself. In this case the person suffering her scorn is her troubled and recently deceased cousin, making her catty barbs all the more cruel and unnecessary.
To make it worse, this is then followed by the longest and most boring description of someone putting their hair into a pony-tail ever committed to paper, breaking Harris’ previous record with ease. Amid the details of the pony-tail’s exact length and Sookie’s ability to centre it exactly, we also witness two men being reduced to gasping lust by the sight of Sookie’s lycra-covered arse. Sookie initially purports to be ignorant of the cause of their reaction, before realising:

“After another glance in the mirror, it occurred to me that maybe anything I did in that outfit was fairly interesting, if you were a fully functional guy.”

Showing either massive vanity of an incredibly low opinion of all males. Although to be fair most males in Sookie’s world are guilty or sexual assault and/or rape, so maybe she has a point.


Least Helpful Response to a Sexual Assault
Quinn’s descent into a massive sulk because he was unable to stop Sookie being kidnapped and once more molested, and instead had to be rescued by her even though it’s embarrassing being rescued by a woman. In case you think this is just a personal interpretation of the text :

“But his mind, ah, that was full of snarled confusion and anger that he couldn't find a place to stuff. "Did I help you? Did I free you? Did I protect you from the fucking Weres? No, I let that son of a bitch stick his finger up you, and I watched, I couldn't do anything.”
Oh. Male pride. "
You got my hands free," I pointed out. "And you can help me now."
"How?" he turned to me, and he was deeply upset. I realized that he was a guy who took his protecting very seriously...
I knew that Quinn … was in a funk because he hadn't killed all our attackers and saved me from being sullied by their touch.”

Nice medieval attitude Quinn. Don’t thank Sookie or show any sensitivity regarding what just happened. Just go into a strop like a big fat baby because someone else touched your woman and disrespected you.
Furthermore, Quinn is the kind of man who walks into a room naked and says “Do you like what you see?” So, all-in-all a grade-A arsehole. Which is of course Sookie’s type.


The novel finally comes to an end with yet another badly written and dull vampire battle, after which Sookie returns home with the addition of two randomly added sidekicks, a witch and the man she has accidentally turned into a cat. I’m not sure whether Harris has purloined this plot device from [b:A Bad Spell for the The Worst Witch|1042367|A Bad Spell For The Worst Witch (Worst Witch, Book #3)|Jill Murphy|http://photo.goodreads.com/books/1180458258s/1042367.jpg|1356128], Harry Potter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer or even Sabrina the Teenage Witch, but I am certain that I didn’t want to see it again. The loose ends are wrapped up and the next book clumsily set-up in three pages and then the book mercifully closes with the standard threat of yet another volume of this trash.