You need to sign in or sign up before continuing.
Take a photo of a barcode or cover
fictionalfelix 's review for:
3 stars
I really didn't want to write this review. I feel like some kind of traitor to the ace community for rating this anything lower than 5 stars, since it has so many glowing reviews. And it did have a lot of merit – I love how stories of POC and disabled ace people were featured.
However. Some aspects of this book... upset me. Probably because I am a small naive child. But I felt like I wasn't the intended audience of this book. It felt geared toward allosexual allies to spread awareness of the ace community more than it felt actually written for asexual people themselves, and I think aro or romantic asexual people who want a less conventional relationship than I do would be a better fit for this book than I was.
To clear things up: I am an asexual person who experiences romantic attraction, and not only that, but I want a rom-com worthy relationship with all the cheesy romantic trappings, except sex, which I am not open to at all and of which the very concept scares me. I didn't see myself in this book at all. Far from it – this book made me question if I am actually asexual since I want an extremely romantic relationship, and it also made me question if I actually experience romantic attraction since I'm not open to sex at all. This book literally made me cry three times, and books almost never make me cry.
Now, I'll summarize exactly what I did and didn't like:
What I did like:
- As I said, stories of POC and disabled ace people are showcased, focusing on the intersection of their various identities, which was quite enlightening.
- It was mostly very well written and easy to read. My only issue with the writing is how contradictory some of it seemed, which I'll mention in the what I didn't like section.
- I read it in only like 6 days, which is amazingly fast for me.
-I think the book as a whole had extremely good intentions and all the complaints I have are all unintentional on the author's part.
What I didn't like:
-The chapter on romantic attraction seemed off. The author says toward the end of the chapter that she is by no means saying that romantic and platonic attraction is the same thing, but throughout the chapter that seems like what she's implying, and throughout the whole book, romantic attraction seems kind of erased and portrayed as secondary and less important. Personally, I think there's more of a clear boundary between romantic and platonic attraction than the author makes it seem. It made romance seem less romantic and more technical, and I am such an innocent hopeless romantic child that that bothered me.
- Every single romantic couple mentioned in the book has had sex at some point, either on a regular basis, as part of some compromise (now the very word compromise scares me because of this book), or they used to do it in the past and later decided they didn't want to. It makes it seem like a queer-platonic relationship is the only option if you don't want to ever have sex. So I guess I'm going to be single forever then if having sex at some point is necesary to be in a romantic relationship.
- It is implied toward the end of the book that if ace people are accepted in society, the label asexual will be completely unnecessary and can then be done away with. I don't think that's what the author actually meant, but at any rate, that part didn't make any sense to me and made me upset for no good reason because I am extremely attached to the label asexual
-The writing in general is pretty contradictory in some places, as the last several points somewhat illustrate.
In summary, I have no idea what to think of this book. I went into it fully expecting to love it, not have multiple mental breakdowns over it.
Would I recommend it? Hmm, actually I think I probably would, believe it or not. It has a lot of good points in it, and it probably wouldn't upset most people anywhere near as much as it upset me. Besides, most people have rated it very highly. However, another book on the topic that I personally liked better and would recommend more is [b:The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality|20344514|The Invisible Orientation An Introduction to Asexuality|Julie Sondra Decker|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1411447547l/20344514._SY75_.jpg|28348968].
I really didn't want to write this review. I feel like some kind of traitor to the ace community for rating this anything lower than 5 stars, since it has so many glowing reviews. And it did have a lot of merit – I love how stories of POC and disabled ace people were featured.
However. Some aspects of this book... upset me. Probably because I am a small naive child. But I felt like I wasn't the intended audience of this book. It felt geared toward allosexual allies to spread awareness of the ace community more than it felt actually written for asexual people themselves, and I think aro or romantic asexual people who want a less conventional relationship than I do would be a better fit for this book than I was.
To clear things up: I am an asexual person who experiences romantic attraction, and not only that, but I want a rom-com worthy relationship with all the cheesy romantic trappings, except sex, which I am not open to at all and of which the very concept scares me. I didn't see myself in this book at all. Far from it – this book made me question if I am actually asexual since I want an extremely romantic relationship, and it also made me question if I actually experience romantic attraction since I'm not open to sex at all. This book literally made me cry three times, and books almost never make me cry.
Now, I'll summarize exactly what I did and didn't like:
What I did like:
- As I said, stories of POC and disabled ace people are showcased, focusing on the intersection of their various identities, which was quite enlightening.
- It was mostly very well written and easy to read. My only issue with the writing is how contradictory some of it seemed, which I'll mention in the what I didn't like section.
- I read it in only like 6 days, which is amazingly fast for me.
-I think the book as a whole had extremely good intentions and all the complaints I have are all unintentional on the author's part.
What I didn't like:
-The chapter on romantic attraction seemed off. The author says toward the end of the chapter that she is by no means saying that romantic and platonic attraction is the same thing, but throughout the chapter that seems like what she's implying, and throughout the whole book, romantic attraction seems kind of erased and portrayed as secondary and less important. Personally, I think there's more of a clear boundary between romantic and platonic attraction than the author makes it seem. It made romance seem less romantic and more technical, and I am such an innocent hopeless romantic child that that bothered me.
- Every single romantic couple mentioned in the book has had sex at some point, either on a regular basis, as part of some compromise (now the very word compromise scares me because of this book), or they used to do it in the past and later decided they didn't want to. It makes it seem like a queer-platonic relationship is the only option if you don't want to ever have sex. So I guess I'm going to be single forever then if having sex at some point is necesary to be in a romantic relationship.
- It is implied toward the end of the book that if ace people are accepted in society, the label asexual will be completely unnecessary and can then be done away with. I don't think that's what the author actually meant, but at any rate, that part didn't make any sense to me and made me upset for no good reason because I am extremely attached to the label asexual
-The writing in general is pretty contradictory in some places, as the last several points somewhat illustrate.
In summary, I have no idea what to think of this book. I went into it fully expecting to love it, not have multiple mental breakdowns over it.
Would I recommend it? Hmm, actually I think I probably would, believe it or not. It has a lot of good points in it, and it probably wouldn't upset most people anywhere near as much as it upset me. Besides, most people have rated it very highly. However, another book on the topic that I personally liked better and would recommend more is [b:The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality|20344514|The Invisible Orientation An Introduction to Asexuality|Julie Sondra Decker|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1411447547l/20344514._SY75_.jpg|28348968].