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byronic_reader 's review for:
Notes of a Crocodile
by Qiu Miaojin
Notes of a Crocodile by Qiu Miaojin
I spotted this book as a thumbnail when I was reading My Year of Rest and Relaxation. Ever since I read the title, I wanted to read this book. Qiu Miaojin is the first Taiwanese writer who confirmed her sexuality as a lesbian and wrote this book in a tumultuous time in Taiwan. One can easily spot the emotional turmoil caused by the political one in her writings, especially in the Crocodile entries.
Reading this book is a whole journey itself. You go through a multitude of emotions. We follow Lazi in her quest of finding love. Enter Shui Ling. A beautiful flower in the eyes of Lazi. Their relationship is a feverish dream. They can't get enough of each other. But... but... Lazi's useless pondering of sexuality leads to self-sabotaging her relationship with Shui Ling.
Ah! Self-sabotage. Hello, my old friend. Due to her unavailability, Shui Ling turns her back on Lazi which starts a series of other relationships, both romantic and platonic, which didn't last long. Lazi yearns for Shui Ling and goes on a depressive spell. Though they are in touch, Lazi is a spectator of Shui Ling's now new life.
What surprised me about this book is that the writing is surprisingly millennial! Miaojin, if she's alive will be my mother's age. Paired with the fact that she committed suicide after 2 years of releasing this book, it gives out a whole different meaning. Every page is a kaleidoscope of emotions and it was too much for me to take it. Bonnie Huie, the translator of this book, has said in an interview that this is supposed to be a guide for teens. For the right person, this will be the right book at the right time.
The use of Crocodiles is synonymous with lesbians (IMO) throughout this book. The thoughts of the crocodile are given in the form of journal entries which serves as an interlude between the emotionally heavy chapters. The struggle between being a butch/femme stereotype that leads to another identity crisis also forms the crux of the work. The way Miaojin wrote them applies even now. Miaojin passed away 25 years ago. But her writing still speaks to many unknown faces who needs validation.
With all that said, I can never do enough justice writing a review of this book. This book is tender yet crisp. Vulnerable yet impenetrable. And it made me ask a lot of questions but a few prevalent ones on my mind are, why is it hard to find a little love?
Why can't people practise acceptance? How many lives do we need to lose before realizing being gay is not the end of this world? And why did only queer people had to ask for approval?
I spotted this book as a thumbnail when I was reading My Year of Rest and Relaxation. Ever since I read the title, I wanted to read this book. Qiu Miaojin is the first Taiwanese writer who confirmed her sexuality as a lesbian and wrote this book in a tumultuous time in Taiwan. One can easily spot the emotional turmoil caused by the political one in her writings, especially in the Crocodile entries.
Reading this book is a whole journey itself. You go through a multitude of emotions. We follow Lazi in her quest of finding love. Enter Shui Ling. A beautiful flower in the eyes of Lazi. Their relationship is a feverish dream. They can't get enough of each other. But... but... Lazi's useless pondering of sexuality leads to self-sabotaging her relationship with Shui Ling.
Ah! Self-sabotage. Hello, my old friend. Due to her unavailability, Shui Ling turns her back on Lazi which starts a series of other relationships, both romantic and platonic, which didn't last long. Lazi yearns for Shui Ling and goes on a depressive spell. Though they are in touch, Lazi is a spectator of Shui Ling's now new life.
What surprised me about this book is that the writing is surprisingly millennial! Miaojin, if she's alive will be my mother's age. Paired with the fact that she committed suicide after 2 years of releasing this book, it gives out a whole different meaning. Every page is a kaleidoscope of emotions and it was too much for me to take it. Bonnie Huie, the translator of this book, has said in an interview that this is supposed to be a guide for teens. For the right person, this will be the right book at the right time.
The use of Crocodiles is synonymous with lesbians (IMO) throughout this book. The thoughts of the crocodile are given in the form of journal entries which serves as an interlude between the emotionally heavy chapters. The struggle between being a butch/femme stereotype that leads to another identity crisis also forms the crux of the work. The way Miaojin wrote them applies even now. Miaojin passed away 25 years ago. But her writing still speaks to many unknown faces who needs validation.
With all that said, I can never do enough justice writing a review of this book. This book is tender yet crisp. Vulnerable yet impenetrable. And it made me ask a lot of questions but a few prevalent ones on my mind are, why is it hard to find a little love?
Why can't people practise acceptance? How many lives do we need to lose before realizing being gay is not the end of this world? And why did only queer people had to ask for approval?