A slow build, atmospheric horror novel about a tween who has just lost their uncle, and is trying to better understand themself. Bug lives in a haunted house, but not the super scary kind - it's all Bug has ever known, and the ghosts aren't malicious, just strange presences and cold spots left by ghosts. However, just before summer, Bug's beloved Uncle died, and his spirit is now reaching out with some kind of message. What is Uncle Roderick trying to say? Is he trying to share something about himself he couldn't share while he was still alive? Or is his message actually about Bug?

This isn't a hardcore horror novel, but the horror elements are fantastic. There's a creepy chill throughout the book that you can really feel, despite it taking place during hot summer. The ghosts are very real, very present, and the adults that don't believe in them simply can't sense them.  From here... I think my thoughts are too spoiler! Gonna spoiler tag.

It's really fascinating that Uncle Roderick, who was gay, and Bug, who is trans, are the ones with ghost sensitivity - and it makes sense. They are people who have to go through big life transitions, or who have to shift the way people perceive them in order to fully be themselves. Roderick had to come out, but also loved drag, and the way one can play with gender and also break gender down. Bug, as a trans kid, feels a sense of wrongness when he sees himself in the mirror or in a dress, and is in an in-between space of both growing up and wanting to change what he sees and how others perceive him. Queer people are often drawn to horror, ghosts, monsters and cryptids because we relate to the other, and I love how that is used here.

My one issue with the book is that after Bug fully sees himself, the ghosts drop into the background. That's not a bad thing! Bug's joy is beautiful, and I greatly appreciate that this is a story that doesn't follow a traditional narrative - Bug doesn't immediately know his identity he "feels like a boy," he just senses a wrongness about himself, and is sort of lost in dissociation. The joyful ending is good, and trans people deserve joyful endings! We just lose the spookiness a little abruptly and Lukoff does such a good job creating that creepy atmosphere that I kinda missed it, haha. I think that tonal disconnect works for this story though; it gets the point across that self realization/actualization has a deep, profound impact on a person.

I received an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

"The weeks stretch out in front of me, slow and hot, the finish line shimmering like a mirage. I don't know who I'll be when I cross over."

This heart-breaking and beautiful middle grade novel follows 11 year old Bug as they prepare to start middle school, grieve for their beloved uncle, and try to figure out who they are.

This story explores grief in a heartfelt and honest way. Specifically the grief for a death that was not sudden but expected and no less heart-breaking for it. It begins shortly after the death of Bug's uncle who was a parental figure in their life. We see how Bug deals with, and doesn't deal with their grief, throughout the beginning of the book.

It discusses feeling like you don't fit in and aren't able to be a proper "girl" in a way that seems to come easily to most of your peers - a feeling that was very familiar to me as a transgender man. It also features a trans character who didn't always know which is a common narrative that doesn't apply to many of us. Bug doesn't always know but when they figure out who they are everything else makes sense in hindsight.

Overall I felt this was an honest and heartful look at both grief and transgender identity that felt true to life and was beautifully written. I'd highly recommend it to children and adults alike.

Content warnings: grief, death, terminal illness, mentions of bullying, unintentional misgendering

This was such a beautiful reading experience. I was expecting more of a creepy type of ghost story but instead it was more about grief after the main character's uncle passes away. This was masterfully combined with the main character working out he's transgender - both storylines are woven together perfectly.

It was so refreshing and comforting to read a trans coming out story that just completely lacked transphobia and was so incredibly supportive.